Fruity Feelings: A Raw Journey

Time Off

2010-10-31T12:45:00.000-04:00

I'm stepping away from blogging. Part of me really wants to, but I feel as though it's not helping me at all. Hopefully I can return in the near future.

Day 4

2010-10-15T09:42:00.000-04:00

I'm starting to get really frustrated. I've been trying some "new" foods (I used to be able to eat everything) and I've been having reactions. It sucks because I'll buy something, experiment, try it and then feel sick. Eggplant didn't sit well with me at all, and I made a big batch of eggplant dip. I made a huge pot of Kitchari (mung beans and brown rice) and didn't feel so well afterward. I'm going to wait a day and try it again, I'm not sure if it's the rice or the beans. I didn't even have that much of it. I also made Socca for the first time and haven't even tried it yet. It's made with chickpea flour, so I'm not sure if it will cause me any problems.

I bought some roasted chestnuts and was excited to have them. Chestnuts aren't a fatty nut and they have a slightly sweet flavour. After having a few of them, I got an itchy mouth :( A mild reaction isn't too bad, but it would be nice to go one day without having a reaction to something. I had eggplant earlier in the day, so it was my second reaction. Arg!

I think I will have to rely more on leafy greens. I usually avoid a bunch of them due to the negative effect on the thyroid, but I'm reading now that you would have to eat a lot of them in order for that to happen. I'm going to try and "rotate" them so it doesn't happen. I'm going to cook them so they're easier to digest. Kale, Spinach, Collards, Chard, etc. I may also try some broccoli or cauliflower and see how I feel. Some say they may produce too much gas and trigger a gallbladder attack. They also say that about beans, but I thought I'd test my limits :)

My energy level has plummeted again, probably due to all of the reactions I've had. It's a shame because I was starting to feel really good. If I can manage to avoid all the foods that cause me problems and still stay away from sugar, I should start to feel good. If this turns into a miserable experience, I may have to end it early.

Day 2

2010-10-13T10:23:00.000-04:00

I successfully completed one day completely sugar free. Yippee. If I can do one day, I can do 30 days, that's all I needed to know. I've been relying heavily on starches. I know some say that's a "no no" but it's the best I'm going to do. I bought some millet for the first time and I might even try to make Socca. This is actually getting a bit exciting :)

I tried some avocado yesterday and got a headache. Ohhh the pressure was really annoying, but not as bad as when I eat tomatoes. The take-away from that is I just can't have avocado, or nuts and seeds. Low fat diet for sure. I can have a little bit of oil, but not much. Thankfully I can use apple cider vinegar for seasoning, it's the only vinegar you can have on this diet.

I'm still struggling with ideas for food on the go. I used to carry a smoothie in my bag, but I haven't found very many savory smoothie recipes. I found a couple, but they all have avocado. I did see one that was avocado-free, but it had coconut water. There's a huge coconut water shortage in this city, it's in really high demand. I know I can buy a young coconut and get it that way, but it's kind of labour intensive to do everyday. Plus I would probably grow tired of the taste. I thought about using some protein powder in some homemade nut milk. That would be a good "pick me up" for when I get hungry. Thankfully nut milks work for me, I think it's because they're not very high in fat. I've been playing around with Sun Warrior for protein. I bought a single serving packet, but I will only use a little bit at a time. I tend to have a hard time digesting protein.

Still adapting to cooking more. I burned my tongue a few times yesterday. I'm used to checking my food several times while preparing, I'm not used to it being so hot! Ouch. I think this diet will be interesting, no doubt.

What to eat?

2010-10-11T21:37:00.000-04:00

I'm starting this darn parasite cleanse tomorrow, I figured I would map out what I can and cannot eat.

Nay:

Sugar - sweet fruit, sweeteners, etc
Yeast - breads, nutritional yeast, etc
Alcohol, pop, coffee, fermented beverages, cider
Edible Fungi
Wheat

Yay:

Vegetables - green leafies, roots, squash
Avocados, Bell Peppers, Cucumber
Stevia, chicory, yacon
Coconut water!!!
Beans*
Nuts and Seeds*
Buckwheat, Amaranth, Millet, Quinoa, Teff

*Not recommended for gallstones

I'll admit that I've never been a good cook. I'm going to have to delve into this with lots of recipes. I also plan on doing some juicing as well. Happy eating!

Adventured in Cleansing

2010-10-11T11:51:00.000-04:00

You know that post I wrote about the Liver Flush not working? Forget it. I don't know what's going on but I'm frightened and relieved at the same time.

Along with the "false" stones I passed yesterday, I've also been passing mucus. Lots and lots of mucus. I've had mucus in my stools before, but this began getting really alarming. Due to the Epsom Salts I had diarrhea all day yesterday. One thing these cleanses have taught me is to always examine the toilet bowl. The stuff coming out yesterday resembled gooey snot. It was green. There were long green strands with brown and red specks. Keep in mind I hadn't eaten anything in 4 days and I had already done a salt water flush. This was not food particles.

I went back to eating solid foods but kept visiting the bathroom. Late last night I got a really bad pain in my stomach. It was in the lower part though, so I don't think it was anything I'd eaten recently. It felt like really bad trapped gas. I took some peppermint tea and did some abdominal massages. Finally I was able to visit the bathroom and expelled a huge gob of mucus. This horrified me because it was quite gross, but I also just don't understand where it came from. Was this stuff hanging around in my gallbladder? My liver? Or is it stuff from my colon? I sent an email to Sensible Health to ask for guidance, I'm not sure if they'll be able to help or not.

I don't feel hungry at all today, but I did eat. One thing I've learned in this journey is that the body needs fuel. My appetite has faded for weeks at a time and if I "listen" I end up feeling worse. Usually eating a bit will "wake up" my system and I will start to get hungry. If I don't get hungry I will try to take in some fresh juices. One thing I've noticed is that my energy has shot up immensely. I feel as though I actually want to move my body. I haven't felt that way in a loooong time.

I bought a parasite cleanse kit yesterday. In reading the instructions, it states that you should limit sugars while doing the cleanse. OMG. My nightmare. I lived on mostly fruit for about 8 months, I was planning to try and incorporate more fruit (especially bananas) back into my diet. And now this.

I've been doing research all morning. Basically parasites eat sugar. So it's going to be almost like an Anti-Candida Diet. I always thought those were bunk, but now I'm thinking otherwise. I don't know what to do. Holy hell. I thought about returning the kit and forgetting it. I could still take the pills and forget about the restrictions, but there's no point if it will minimize the effectiveness. There is a possibility that I have parasites. A lot of books I have advocate doing a parasite cleanse, especially if gallstones are an issue. Parasites like to hang out in the liver I guess.

I don't know if I can do this. My diet will definitely be flipped on it's head. No fruit (or very little), no sweeteners (goodbye agave), no yeast, no fermented beverages. People on this diet usually consume a lot of protein in the form of meat.. but I'm vegan. Nuts and seeds are recommended, but those give me pain. Fresh vegetable juices, yes. Oils are ok.Gluten-free "grains": millet, buckwheat, amaranth, yeah ok. Alright maybe. It's only for a month. 1 month.. and then maybe I'll feel better? I think it's worth it. I'm going to have to overhaul my kitchen in the meantime. No more smoothies.. I've been living off of those. More vegetables and probably a lot more cooked stuff. It looks like I'm going to be visiting Affairs of Living and Diet, Desserts and Dogs more. They both have Anti-Candida Diet recipes. Bleh.

Liver and Gallbladder Flush - Take 2

2010-10-10T10:48:00.000-04:00

After 4 days of drinking only Apple Juice, I was relieved to do the liver flush last night. This time I used Epsom Salts and this morning I started passing big green stones. I'm really suspecting that they were "false stones" though. When I did the flush in the past I would pass little sandy stones, but these ones were more oily/greasy. I saw one that had something sticking out of it. I grabbed it with some toilet paper and squished it a bit. Inside was a piece of grapefruit pulp from the "elixir" I drank the night before. If the stone came from my gallbladder, how did a piece of pulp get inside?

Yesterday afternoon, before I started with the Epsom Salts I got some diarrhea. I noticed a few white bits of "sand" were coming out as well. I think these were probably stones. It's interesting that this happened before I even started flushing, maybe an after-effect of the flush from the night before? Maybe it worked after all. I was getting a LOT of gallbladder pain as this was happening as well. Quite a few things I've read online states that the malic acid from the apple juice can cause stagnant bile to rush out. If anything, I think the apple juice helped more than the olive oil and grapefruit. I'm not sure if I could do only apple juice again, the sugar made my teeth hurt like crazy. It also made me feel really jumpy and emotional.

I've read a lot about juice fasting and even juice feasting, and it seems that taking all that stress off your digestive system can make you feel very emotional. I know going raw has this effect on people, I did feel very "airy" eating mostly fruit, so it makes sense drinking only juice would further this. Interestingly enough I had 2 people comment on how "healthy" I looked yesterday. Really. Drinking just apple juice must really "work" for me. It made me a bit angry though. I just really want to eat solids, but it's clear that my body can't really digest them.

Overall I don't think I'm going to flush with Epsom Salts again.. I'm not sure if I will flush again at all. The tinctures I was taking from Sensible Health really helped me while I was taking them, but a lot of the pain came back once I finished them. This may mean I should start them again, but I'm not so sure. I did notice a lot more mucus coming out, so it's obvious that my body needs to cleanse. Maybe there's a lot of "junk" coming out because I was putting a lot of junk in. I was eating a bit of nuts and seeds for a few days, which caused a lot of discomfort.

This most recent experience has taught me a lot, and I have a few things I'm going to try:

Parasite Cleanse - one of those 30 day kits, just to rule them out for once and for all
Continue taking Chinese Bitters
Finish Gold Coin Grass tincture then switch to Chanca Piedra to break the stones down
Curcumin - much easier than finding ways to add tumeric into my meals
See a Gastroenterologist
Find a new, more affordable, Naturopath

This whole list will probably take me a few weeks to execute, and I'm not going to rush. I've been trying a lot of things lately and my body needs to adapt, rest and recover. At the end of the day I know the surgery option is still there, which is why I'd like to talk to the Gastroenterologist. If my digestion issues are going to be relieved (and they probably will but I want to check) by removing my gallbladder, it may be worthwhile to go that route. I don't think anyone will think less of me for it, although I may think less of myself. At this point the liver flushes aren't getting out any real stones, but I still have pain. I feel as though I'm running out of options, but maybe I need to give it more time.

What a Mess

2010-10-09T09:25:00.000-04:00

I feel like such an emotional wreck right now. I wish I had more insight on what's going on with my body. My obsessive nature is kicking in and all I think about is foods I can and cannot eat. I feel as though I need a hobby, an interest, something to keep me going. I used to be into fitness and working out, but my energy is shot so I can't really do that anymore.

Looking back, most of my interests were the influence of someone else: music from an ex-bf, cycling from an ex-bf, movies from an ex-bf, fitness from an ex-coworker, guitar playing from an ex-friend... it's kind of surprising that there's so many people not in my life anymore. I was also into college/community radio for a few years because my brother had a show on the local radio station. I enjoyed photography for a while when I was working at a studio. The other interests that I had from my earlier years have fizzled a bit: choir, school band, arts and crafts, drawing, clay. I used to be really interested in web development after I pursued a career in it and now I'm no longer interested. My most recent interest has been spirituality. It was sparked by yoga initially. I've gone to a few meditation sittings, but I haven't really "clicked" with any of them.

There is a definite void in my life that I have always tried to fill with different things: food, drugs/alcohol, boyfriends. I realize it needs to be filled from within myself, external things will never fill it. I do feel as though spirituality may help though. The feeling that "something" else is there to help. I've been agnostic for years, but I feel a pull to start attending church or a temple. It makes me feel more complete to enter those places, but I do feel as though I need to find something that is the right fit for me. That may take a while. So I guess I do have an interest in spirituality.

On a completely different note, I tried a liver flush a few days ago and no stones came out. I followed a different procedure that's outlined on the Sensible Health website. Instead of taking Epsom Salts I did the salt water flush in the morning. No stones at all. I visited the bathroom a few times and manage to get out a bunch of mucus and not much else. I was quite alarmed about the amount of mucus and it's making me a bit concerned. I have pain my shoulder that I've attributed to gallstones, but now I'm not sure. Did I pass all my stones? Are they still there and these flushes aren't really doing anything? I'm too afraid to ask my doctor for a follow up ultrasound.

My instinct tells me that there's still something going on because I still have pains and I can't digest nuts and seeds. I had a bar at work a few days ago which had sunflower seeds, pumpkins seeds, hemp seeds and chia seeds. It made me constipated for a few days afterward and I'm assuming it's because of the fat content. It also had sprouted buckwheat which I have had problems digesting in the past. In fact I have a hard time digesting any kind of sprouted grain. It might be that I just need to avoid "hard" things. There's that whole notion of a "low residue" diet that is supposed to help for Crohn's or Colitis flare-ups. I don't think I can go that extreme, but I do know that I can't really digest lettuce right now either. Blending my food really helps though, I haven't had a salad in a while, just greens added to smoothie's.

Anyway, as part of the Liver flush I was having only apple juice for 2 days. Since the flush didn't work I decided to go another day on apple juice and try again with Epsom Salts, but I got called into work and didn't get home in time to start the process. So I'm doing a 4th day of apple juice and flushing tonight, no excuses. It's crazy how a 2 day juice fast quickly turned to 4 days. The Sensible Health website states that using Epsom Salts can cause "false stones". I wonder if that's what was happening all along, if any of my stones have come out at all. I'm starting to think I should just pony up and have the surgery. I worry that my problems won't go away though. I think it's more than gallstones that is plaguing me.

My allergies haven't gotten much better even though I've only had apple juice for a few days. The apple juice is giving me headaches on top of everything. I'm starting to think it's not food-related at all. My sinus problems may be environmental. I moved into a new place that has 2 cats, and I have allergies to cats. It's gotten better over recent years, but I'm sure some of it is still there. My previous place had a huge mold and humidity problem. I think I should drag out my air purifier from storage and keep it running. It helped in the past when I lived in a house with a dog.

Honestly I can live with the sinus problems, it's not that annoying. The digestive issues are harder to ignore. I have a hard time digesting anything that doesn't resemble baby food. I remember seeing undigested noodles and rice in the toilet before I went raw, then it was undigested lettuce. Then there's all the mucus. My stomach is still having pain from time to time as well. I'm going to mention this to my doctor when I see her again, maybe she'll refer me to a gastroenterologist. When I told her about my gallstones she just referred me to a surgeon to have it removed. I'd like to talk to someone who will entertain the notion that it's not just gallstones.

What to do?

2010-10-06T11:20:00.000-04:00

I will admit to having easting issues.. disordered eating even. This is how this whole journey began. I keep thinking back to when my issues with food and weight started, but honestly I can't think back that far. I remember growing up as a kid and not understanding what "feeling full" meant, I thought it was when your belly hurt from eating too much. People would ask me "are you full?" and I would say no, so then I would eat until I felt that pain. My family all has eating issues, including my extended family. Lots of yo-yo dieting, losing and gaining weight. My mother was on weight watchers for a while, my father has been obese for as long as I can remember. One of my cousins struggled with bulimia. It's no surprise that I'm having these problems now.

Despite issues with overeating all my life, I never cared about being overweight until I hit my teenage years. I started working out and counting fat grams. I read teen magazines and many of them cautioned against counting calories, just keeping fat grams to about 20 a day. I was pretty healthy, even though I was a wee bit obsessive, most people on a diet do some obsessing. I got my tonsils removed and the painkillers completely killed my appetite. My stomach hurt at all times and I didn't want to eat. I lost a lot of weight at once, became pale and weak. No more working out. My mom took me to my GP who told me to try taking those nasty liquid meal replacements. People started commenting.. in a negative way. "You don't look well". I wasn't underweight by any means, but I was obviously not in good health. I started eating more once the painkillers were done and I gained my health back, but I got lazy and stopped working out. I gained some weight and started smoking and drinking, I found a new "crutch" for the time being.

Fast forward a few years later. I got depressed. I lost my appetite. I was crying all the time and didn't feel like eating. I lost weight again. It was a miserable time in my life. I ended up in the hospital. I became good friends with two girls who had bulimia. They talked about their disease often and would plan binges. I even went grocery shopping with them. I wanted to join in but they stopped me several times. I went away to University.

I went to a University in a different province. I stopped taking my anti-depressants and got really really ill. I stopped eating, but this time it was purposeful. I lived in residence and my floor adviser was worried about me. She dragged me to the cafeteria more than once where I moved food around on my plate and pushed it into napkins. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but no one said anything. I would binge in my room at times and tried to purge but couldn't. I ended up in the hospital for being suicidal. I left school and moved back home. I ended up in the hospital again there. I reconnected with my old friends. I started binging and purging in secret. I also started doing drugs and binge drinking. I was also cutting myself. My father took me on a trip to South America to visit my family. I even purged while there because I couldn't go without it. I applied to college and got accepted. I read a book to help stop cutting and it worked. I stopped partying and became straight edge. I couldn't stop purging though. I went back to school and that was enough of a distraction.. no more purging. I gained a lot of weight (quitting smoking/drugs added some weight to begin with plus I also kept binging).

I fell in love and moved away after graduation. My first time living alone and preparing my own meals. I ate a lot of junk food. I found a job that I hated and stressed me out. My co-workers loved to eat junk food and I joined them. I gained more weight. I quit the job and had to save money, less money for food. I started eating sensibly and lost some of the weight. I broke up with my boyfriend and started dating someone else. He was a cycling enthusiast who bought me a bicycle. I started cycling and lost more weight. I had very little leg muscle and could only ride for short amounts. I started riding longer distances. I went back to the old job at part time hours. I enrolled in school in another city and got in. I moved away. I was happy and healthy, no drugs, alcohol, I was vegan (for animal rights reasons) and loved bike riding. Unfortunately my bike got stolen before I moved.

School brought on stress. I started drinking and smoking pot again. At first I cooked very balanced meals but after a while I got so busy I just started eating fast food and vending machine snacks for all my meals. I packed on a lot of weight. I graduated and got an excellent job. I continued eating mostly junk. I bought a bike and rode it occasionally but my muscles were weak and I was out of shape. I would get exhausted riding anywhere. I continued binge drinking, blacking out, and smoking pot. I would often smoke every night after work. I moved into an apartment building with a gym in the basement, I started doing some exercise, mostly on the treadmill, but it was short lived. Through my work I got sent to live in California for a year.

I moved to San Francisco. I didn't know anyone there. I felt very socially isolated, I got extremely depressed (even though I continued to take my antidepressants). At first I went to clubs and drank, but after a while it seemed lame. I didn't want to drink alone so I stopped completely. I started working from home and stopped going to the office. I started crash dieting, I tried every fad diet I could find on the internet. I watched endless episodes of the TV show Intervention. I bought magazines and cut out the really skinny pictures. I blogged about how I was doing, how little I ate, how few calories I could eat. I dropped a dramatic amount of weight. I started jogging even though I wasn't eating much. I would get stressed out from work and binge/purge. My weight loss slowed down and I got frustrated.

I got sent back to Toronto, everyone commented on my weight and wanted to know how I lost it. I told them I was jogging again. I wanted to try raw foods. I followed the "Eat To Live" program for a few weeks. I tried to go raw but work was too stressful. I started binging and purging again. I ate a lot of junk food at work, started going to restaurants with friends, and potlucks. I did not always purge. I started exercising. At first it was healthy, but then I started pushing myself too hard. Working out at lunchtime, then after work. I was gaining weight again. I pushed myself harder, took diet pills, energy drinks, coffee so I could work out more. I was still eating lots of junk food and purging less. I was also drinking and smoking pot again. I gained muscle but lots of fat as well. I studied to be a personal trainer but I failed the test and never took it again. I got laid off from work.

I started working out more and eating less junk since I had less money. I rode my bike everywhere. I didn't purge anymore but I was still overeating several times a week. I went to the gym for several hours a day. I still took energy drinks. I pushed myself too hard during a workout one day and ended up shivering with a fever later on. I started feeling really tired all the time, I kept pushing myself. A friend commented that I wasn't eating enough for all the exercise I was doing (I wasn't). I took some time off from intensive workouts. I got a "cold", lots of congestion and sinus headaches.. it never went away. I lost my appetite. I went to a potluck and ate a lot despite feeling no hunger, I got violently ill afterward. My hunger never returned and I was constantly constipated. I was tired all the time so I didn't go to the gym anymore. I went to visit my mom for Christmas and was eating very little. I would get dizzy because I wasn't eating, but I just wasn't hungry. I also had terrible post-nasal drip. I started getting pain in my shoulders and abdomen. I looked up causes online and found a description for Gallstones. It explained a few of my symptoms. I decided to do the Master Cleanse and a Gallbladder flush after I got back to Toronto. I started this blog.

I gave up alcohol and pot again. After doing: Master Cleanse, Gallbladder/Liver Flush, Green Smoothie Cleanse followed 80-10-10 for 6 months, I thought I was better. In retrospect not everything did get better, if I'm really honest with myself I know I still had symptoms:

constant runny nose (although it was mostly clear) and sneezing - people would comment "looks like you're coming down with something"
lower energy - I couldn't bike as fast as I used to or as far of a distance, my workouts were much less intense. I had more energy on 80-10-10 but not as much as I had before I started feeling sick
pain in my shoulders and abdomen - the pain does stay away the less fat I eat but it is still a problem. It also seems to show up when I eat a lot of sugar, even natural sugar. I notice I got pain almost every time I ate a lot of grapes

Even though I haven't had junk food or purged, no more energy drinks or excessive exercise, I still have disordered eating patterns. I eat way past the point of feeling full. One thing people love about raw foods is you can "eat as much as you want and not have to worry". However, I feel this behavior is extremely destructive. I would like to end the binging behavior altogether. Even if I eat 10 apples and only wanted 3, it doesn't have a negative effect on my weight but I should be able to stop eating when I feel satisfied and satiated. I'm still stuck on having that full/bloated feeling and I don't think it's healthy to want that. The goal is to not feel hungry so I can go about my day.

Another thing is I'm very obsessive about food now. I read food blogs, I'm avoiding a bunch of foods. I'm always writing grocery lists and reading recipes. I go to the grocery store every day and sometimes several times a day. I worry every time I eat something that it will have a negative effect. I obsess over what could cause a reaction and what couldn't. I get anxious any time I eat anything I haven't prepared myself. I worry that it will cause a reaction or a gallbladder attack. I won't go to any restaurants. I avoid any social situation involving food. I'm still very afraid of cooked foods. I feel like I've committed a crime when I eat anything cooked.

I've read a few of the articles by Tom Billings about a mostly fruitarian diet and how it can negatively affect your health. I feel as though most of the negative factors happened to me: sugar addiction, being obsessive with food, overeating, social isolation, loss of "digestive fire". Fruitarianism: Pro and Con has some great, balanced info on the topic.

Looking at my past, I've fooled myself into thinking I've "recovered" a few times, but I've really just substituted one disorder for another. I stop overexercising and start obsessing about fruit. I stop binging/purging and start binge drinking. I've never really just been just "ok" with food. When I am mostly ok with food is when I'm indulging in other substances. I'm at the point now where I feel it's time to get serious help, but I don't know where to look. What's my next step? I've been going to group therapy, but I feel as though I need more. I don't want to spend another 10 years with these struggles, I already feel as though I've wasted a good part of my life to this. It's time to move on, but how?

Still Suffering and Taking Advice

2010-10-02T10:36:00.000-04:00

After eliminating most berries for the past 24+ hours, I'm still having reactions. Yesterday after almost every meal. I'm noting what I'm eating, and narrowing more foods down but have still not found the problem. This feels like serious detective work is required.

Amazingly enough there's a post over at Love Veggies and Yoga about the issue of food sensitivity/allergies/intolerance. Great timing! Basically her advice is an elimination diet. My problem is I need to find a "baseline" that I can stick to for 2 weeks that I know for sure won't cause any issues. I keep eliminating more and more foods, but no luck yet. I had some kale a few days ago and didn't react well, so that's off the menu for sure.

My suspect list is growing to include:

lemons
parsley
rice
apples

I'm avoiding lemons for today, if that offers no relief I'll tick something else off tomorrow. It would be really sad if I have to eliminate apples, my roommate just went apple picking and brought me back a whole bunch of apples I was getting really excited to use. Also rice would be a bummer because I just started eating it again, I'm using rice cakes as a crutch for when I want to snack on all the fatty foods I'm not supposed to have. I even made rice milk yesterday. I'm also trying to wait at least half an hour between foods. I'm still mixing different foods together, but I will wait after having a smoothie, then having a rice cake, a pudding, etc. Usually the reaction happens quickly, I'll get a headache, or a pain in my stomach, or my ears will start to feel full, or I'll get a gross taste in my mouth from post nasal drip.

Since I know I'm not eating enough or taking in enough variety, I was thinking of investing in some sort of meal replacement. I was looking at the Vega brand since I used to consume it all the time... but it has pea protein and I just found out I'm allergic to peas! Arg! It seems that most vegan protein blends include peas. I'm thinking about investing in Sun Warrior since it's only rice, but I want to make sure I don't have an intolerance to rice before I purchase it. I could always just stick to hemp protein, but I'm not even sure about that. I haven't found a proper meal replacement that I could have since most have berries in them. I'm going to have to mix a few powders into my smoothies.

The results are in...

2010-09-30T08:47:00.000-04:00

I went to my naturopath yesterday and got the results of my expensive tests.

My allergy test showed that I'm allergic to: Dairy, Chicken, Halibut, Tuna. Berries, Oranges, Oats, Soy, Sesame, Garlic, Black Pepper, Beans, Corn and Peas.

I'm a bit confused by the results. No mention of tomato or wheat and I've had really strong reactions to both lately. I'm not really sure how accurate this is. I'm going to avoid those foods for now and see what the other test I'm doing at the end of October shows.

My saliva test showed that my cortisol levels are normal, so no adrenal insufficiency. However my progesterone is very low. That is probably linked to me having an ovarian cyst.

Overall I'm disappointed. The naturopath sold me a bunch of pills that are supposed to help.. but I'm skeptical. I feel as though there's still a missing link. Can all of my recent symptoms be related to gallstones? I'd really like to know why I'm so tired all the time. If it's not the adrenals, I don't know what the heck it is. Apparently my liver enzymes are normal.

I'm really tempted to try a parasite cleanse. I've been wanting to do one for a while. I was doing a lot of dumpster diving before I got really sick, so it's quite possible I caught something back then. If I do that I'll have to bypass some of the pills the Naturopath gave me so I'm not doing too much at once. It's a shame because it cost a lot of money. Ick.

Up and Down

2010-09-29T10:14:00.000-04:00

Lots of random thoughts today...

I was tossing and turning last night, I went to a friendly gathering and ate some chocolate. It bothered me on several accounts: it wasn't raw, I didn't know the ingredients, and sugar! Of all the times to pop candy in my mouth, this isn't a good time to start. I went for nearly 8 months of abstaining from all of those things and I didn't feel deprived, I'm not sure why I'm choosing to experiment now. On the plus side, I didn't really have a negative reaction, so why am I still beating myself up over it?

I've noticed more pain my gallbladder lately since I've been consuming more fat :( I haven't been eating enough carbohydrates: either raw (fruit) or cooked (grains) so I'm always left wanting a little "something" and that usually means fat. I know it's not good for me and it could trigger an attack. Time and time again I turn to fats and end up worried about the result.

I know I'm not eating enough, I'm losing a lot of my muscle. I have a hard time figuring out how much to eat and making it adequate. Many people just say "eat until you're full" but when eating mostly fruit you have to eat more. So I incorporate cooked food and feel guilty for it.. and I'm still wasting away. I'm also trying to not overeat. All my life I ate too much volume and I loved being raw because I could continue to do so, but it's not helping the issue. I need to look at the root cause of my overeating rather than finding a way of eating that can accommodate it.

The one thing I realize now is that raw foods weren't causing me any issue. I was starting to feel really weak/sick/tired/deprived/unmotivated eating 80/10/10. I wasn't eating enough, I turned to more fats and felt better, but my gallbladder did not respond well (due to gallstones). So now I'm turning to cooked foods and I'm reminded how bad I felt before I went raw. Cooked food seemed like the solution because I thrived on a cooked vegan diet for so many years. Now I remember how terrible I felt, and that feeling started this whole experiment. I've heard from so many people that my "diet" is causing the problems, I forgot how many problems it was alleviating. The conclusion I'm taking away from all this is that I cannot heal from diet alone. I was originally drawn to the natural hygiene lifestyle because they do believe the body can heal itself, that may be true. However, I never took the time to find out what was wrong with me.

After a year of struggling with different eating styles, all of my symptoms are still present: sinus congestion, digestion issues, low energy, gallbladder pain. I think if I take extra steps starting now, I will be able to bounce back. I need to get to the root of the problem. Overall I feel as though this happened as a wake-up call. I used to push my body too hard and it finally caught up to me. This has taught me to slow down. I was very stubborn and wanted to figure this out myself, but now I'm willing to see practitioners. I look forward to discovering the root of the problems. I hope someday I'll be able to enjoy food prepared for me by someone else and not live in fear of the consequences.

Food Intolerance Fun

2010-09-27T11:39:00.000-04:00

I realize I don't have any true blue allergies, because my symptoms are never life-threatening. There's some great info on the net about allergies vs intolerances. I saw a talk about it about a year ago and basically took away: if you're rushing to the hospital it's an allergy, otherwise it's an intolerance. There's also "food sensitivities" as well, but I get kind of lost along the way. I know for sure I don't have allergies though.

This week has been rough, I ate a few random pieces of food on Tuesday and had some bad reactions. I went for a colonic on Thursday and I was passing a lot of mucus (sorry if that's TMI). I was starting to feel better, but then felt sick again on Friday.. and again on Saturday. I tried to pin down what I ate similarly on those two days and found nothing. The only thing I thought it could be is Romaine Lettuce. First of all... really? Romaine Lettuce? Plus a quick internet search didn't yield any results for such an allergy (although iceberg lettuce seems to be an allergen, I rarely eat the stuff). I recently started a supplement routine so I decided to check some of those labels. BINGO! There was wheat in my iron supplement. I've been only taking that supplement for about a week and I can totally relate feeling sick after having it. I promptly went out to buy a non-wheat version yesterday :)

I've also been using a neti-pot for the first time. It makes sinus irrigation a lot easier, and it cleared out a lot of the mucus I had. I'm definitely going to start using it regularly until my sinuses clear up. I still have a lot of fluid in my ears as well. Overall I'm getting really optimistic. I'm going to see my Naturopath on Wednesday for the results of my allergy test. I've also booked an appointment to see an allergist for next month. I figure I might as well cover all my bases. I might also go for some Quantum Biofeedback since I know someone who does it. My colon hydrotherapist was telling me about a homeopath that does allergy testing as well.

I was/am toying with the idea of doing an elimination diet. I even contacted a few people who have done one. The problem is that the "basic diet" you go on before re-introducing foods seems to have a variety of foods that may already be an issue for me. I was getting really frustrated and was going to go on a "brown rice fast" with a little bit of banana added in for a few weeks, but then I made the discovery about my iron supplement. I think I'm going to continue what I'm doing for now and see if this clears up.

For now I'm avoiding:

For Thyroid

Strawberries, Peaches, Pears, Apricots, Prunes, Cherries*
Cabbage, Broccoli, Cauliflower, Brussels Sprouts, Radishes, Rutabagas, Kohlrabi, Turnips, Cassava (Tapioca), Sweet Potato, Yam, Bamboo Shoots, Corn, Lima Beans
Soybeans
Peanuts, Pine Nuts, Flax, Walnuts*, Almonds*
Kale, Bok Choy, Collards, Spinach, Mustard Greens, Turnip Greens, Beet Greens, Watercress
Millet, Sorghum
Sweet Potato
Rapeseed (Canola)

*These are debatable, lots of conflicting info out there

For Gallstones

Eggs, Milk, Pork Fowl, Red Meat
Citrus
Corn, Beans
Nuts
Hydrogenated and partially-hydrogenated oils, Margarine, Fried Foods, Saturated fats
Coffee, regular or decaf, Black Tea, Colas
Chocolate
Alcohol, beer, wine, liqueur
Fruit juice
Carbonated water, Tap water
artificial sweeteners, sugar, preservatives, refined and bleached foods (like white flour)
Gluten containing grains: Oats (for some people), Wheat, Barley, Rye
Radishes, Turnips, Cabbage, Cauliflower

Possible Intolerance

Dairy+, Eggs+
Nightshades: Potatoes, Tomatoes+, Bell Peppers, Sweet and Hot Peppers, Eggplant, Tomatillos, Tamarios, Pepinos, Pimentos, Paprika, Cayenne, and Tabasco
Citrus: Oranges+ and Grapefruit (lemon is ok for now)
Melons+
Strawberries, Peaches, Apricots
Prunes, Plums, Nectarines
Grapes, Raisins
Soy+
Gluten containing grains: wheat+, spelt, rye, oats, barley
Caffeinated beverages (coffee, black tea, soda)
Dried Fruits (for Sulfites)
MSG and glutamates: parmesan cheese, soy sauce, walnuts, fresh tomato juice, grape juice, peas, mushrooms, broccoli, tomatoes, mushrooms, oysters, corn, potatoes
Almonds and Walnuts
Avocado
Zucchini and Cucumber

+I've had reactions to these already

And just for fun....
For Adrenal Fatigue

Potassium-rich foods: bananas, all melons, dried figs, raisins, dates, oranges, grapefruit, grapes
Refined carbohydrates: pasta, cakes, cookies, crackers
Refined sugar and sugar substitutes
Mushrooms
Yeast and wheat products (breads, crackers, pasta, etc.) that contain gluten
MSG

I'm not sure I have Adrenal Fatigue, but I've lowered my banana consumption a bit for now.

So what's left?
Recommended Foods

Sea Vegetables (for thyroid)
Coconut Oil (Adrenals, Thyroid)
Beets, Green beans, Okra, Artichokes (Gallstones)
Dandelion Greens (Gallstones)
Lemons (Gallstones)
apples, berries, papaya, pears (Gallstones)
Garlic, Ginger root, Tumeric (Gallstones)
Vegetables Juices (Gallstones, Adrenals)
Squash, Pumpkin, Brown Rice, Carrots
Mango, pineapple, kiwi
Celery

Overall I'm still doing lots of smoothies and not much cooking. I still enjoy eating raw, even if it is in smoothie form. I don't have a whole lot of variety to choose from, but I'm sticking with it for now. Maybe in a future post, I'll go over my new supplement routine that I'm doing to heal my stomach.

Farewell to Raw?

2010-09-11T09:41:00.000-04:00

I had a great time at the food fair last night. I'm really glad I forced myself to go. I ran into some people and caught up with them. I even ran into another friend who was "hibernating". She completely understood why I haven't been feeling social. There were some great booths, I didn't see any of the talks because I just wanted to walk around.

I had been toying with the idea of seeing a nutritionist because I really don't know what to eat anymore. I spoke to Meghan Telpner for a bit last night and told her about my struggles. She agreed that raw isn't right for me right now. She had tried going raw for a while and said her body didn't respond well to it at all. I was quite relieved to hear this. The only problem is that I feel really stuck. I got accustomed to eating raw and I don't know how to transition back to cooked food! I think once I get better (and I will) I will start eating more raw foods again, but right now my body can't handle it. The only raw foods I can handle are fresh juices and smoothies. Not bad foods, but I need some variety. I'm craving oatmeal more and more lately, so I might try some more cooked grains like quinoa. I've tried sprouting grains, but they don't digest well either. I basically need to eat really mushy bland food. Baby food :( When I first discovered I had gallstones I only ate baby food for a month, it was pretty brutal. That's when I decided to go raw. I feel as though I haven't moved forward at all since that point. At least now I'm working to get better, it will take more than just diet to do that.

I saw my Naturopath yesterday for a physical. She did some more tests and said overall my body was healthy. From my blood test she said my Iron was low, but I'm starting to take my iron supplement again. My blood pressure and my temperature were both low. This is common for raw foodists, but I'd like to get back to a normal range. I've never felt so weak or tired in my life :( She gave me a B12 shot last week and she said I might notice a change in energy, but there was nothing. I still feel so exhausted. The results from the saliva test aren't back yet but I can guess that my adrenals are totally burnt out. That's the only thing that explains all my symptoms.

One thing they recommend for adrenal burnout is a low-GI diet, very low fruit. That's a big change from mostly fruit! I've heard that they use mostly green juices at Hippocrates for healing this problem. I keep hearing more and more good things about green juices, I have to start incorporating some into my life. I know the program to end diabetes at Tree of Life is similar. I think I could easily go to one of these places and do a juice fast for several weeks, but doing it at home is another story. It's hard living in society and only having liquid, I know this from doing the master cleanse a few times. I think I would need to be away from the city and pollution anyway. I've been toying with going to one of these places, I think it would be an amazing experience and worth whatever the cost. However I feel very tied to being home and sleeping in my bed. Kind of silly, I know :)

For now I think I'm going to be back to "baby food" mush. I think I might start making my own instead of buying those little jars though. I've never been that good at cooking, so this will be a challenge, but it'll be worth it if I can eat more! I haven't been able to tolerate much food at all yesterday. Yesterday I couldn't even finish an apple, I've read that it's best to avoid tough skins and seeds with a gallbladder issue. The biggest downside is there's so much food at the food fair and I can't have any of it. I need really low fat food and I have to avoid a lot of foods like corn and beans. One booth was selling steamed brown rice, I might go there if I get really hungry, but I remember that rice doesn't digest well, I need something mushier like rice pudding or porridge, really moist, gooey stuff.

Whirlwind

2010-09-10T10:03:00.000-04:00

I didn't post yesterday because I ended up having a really busy day, but it was really positive as well. I usually work a few hours at my friends store in on Thursdays. Since the Toronto Vegetarian Food Fair is this weekend, he was extra busy so I worked until closing. It was a breeze for me, but it was tough to see him so stressed out. There's also another vendor that makes Chocolates out of the store (vegan of course) and I went to help her for a bit after my shift. I spent a very long day in the store! I really wanted to help out because these are two good, solid people who are doing something they're passionate about for a living. I feel as though the more I surround myself with people like that, I may start to unravel what some of my passions may be.

I've been sprouting a lot lately, but I've noticed my sprouts smell a bit off. They may be rancid, it's hard to tell. I made rejuvelac and I took a sip and I was nauseous for a while. I've heard that's a common reaction when introducing fermented foods, but at the same time it's really easy to mess up and get lots of mold :( I'm going to try some again, but if I get a similar reaction I think I will throw it away. No sense in making myself feel more sick. I'm also making some sprouted quinoa granola, but the smell from the dehydrator is leaving me a bit suspicious.Hmm..

So yes, this weekend is the Food Fair, which has been on my mind for a while. My initial instinct is to skip it. I still don't feel great, I don't feel like being social at all. However, I feel a pull to go. Not for the food, but for the people. I've been avoiding my voicemail, email, facebook... everything. I haven't been a good friend and have not kept in touch with anyone over the past month. I think some friendly vibes might be what I need to nourish my soul. I feel so alone lately, but that's only because I've pushed people away. There are people in my life who are genuinely concerned about me and I feel as though I should welcome that. This is when I need friends the most. So far the only person I've really been opening up to is my mother. The problem is she lives in another province. She isn't here to hug me and offer the care that I'm really craving. I think I created this situation though. I have a hard time asking for help and an even harder time accepting it. If I wanted ongoing support, I would've opened up to someone closer by, but I rely on my mom because there is physical distance so there's no danger of getting too close. *sigh*

I'm going for a follow-up appointment with my Naturopath today ($$$) and I hope the pricetag doesn't leave me spinning like it did last time. I'm putting my faith into this Dr. so I really do hope we find some answers. I don't really want to live on this emotional roller coaster anymore.. or maybe I do? Sometimes I feel as though I crave drama. Either way, it should be interesting.

Feeling Stuck

2010-09-08T09:42:00.000-04:00

The best way I can describe my life right now is "stuck" or "blocked". Something is in the way of me moving forward. The feeling comes from within myself, so I'm the only one who can resolve this feeling. I've been feeling this way off and on for a few years. I start down a new path and then get stuck on another roadblock. Many people are able to move past these blocks in weeks or months, for me it takes years. This is the most frustrating part because I compare myself to others and never seem to measure up.

There are a lot of things I'd like to do right now. I'm getting fidgety with not doing much with my time, but when I try to do more I end up feeling worse. My mother (also my main confidante in all this) feels strongly that I should be at home resting most of the time, but I start to feel lazy. Also I know there's a world of things happening around me and I get the feeling as though I'm missing out on life when I just stay home and do nothing. However, I have to agree with her somewhat because when I do more, I end up paying for it.

It's hard not to isolate myself when I'm feeling this way. I don't wish to be social because I feel as though I'll be a wet blanket. People ask me "how are you?" and I quickly change the subject. The truth is I don't feel well on most days and I feel as though I would be a downer if I spoke the truth. This also leads me to try and put on a false happy demeanor. I don't like being fake, and I realize my true friends would understand if I weren't so perky, but I worry that I wouldn't be any fun to be around if I abandoned the false happiness.

I planned on writing out a list of things I want to do in this post, but I think it may make me feel worse rather than better. I know I will get better eventually, I just don't know when. Even though my life feels as though it's passing me by, I'm still quite young and have plenty of time to do the things I want to. Right now I need to focus on healing and I really need to push myself to make the most of this. I'm going to apply for some group therapy sessions, I've been putting it off but there's no reason to.

Ho-Hum

2010-09-07T21:26:00.000-04:00

Today was pretty decent, although it didn't start off so great. It was the first day of school for all ages and I saw many children on their way to school. It made me feel melancholy because it would have been my first day too. I know it's best not to get hung up on what could have been, but it's tough not to.

I went for a blood and urine test that my naturopath ordered ($$$) for allergies. She thinks I might have allergies and it wouldn't surprise me, certain foods upset me already. I know that tomatoes are totally off limits, I love the taste of them but I can't even eat a tiny cherry tomato without having a negative reaction. Lately I'm thinking that avocado might be a problem as well. I've been eating about 1/2 an avo a day just to get some fats in (and shed my 80/10/10 fat-phobic mindset) but I've skipped it for the past few days and I am feeling a bit better. I get a lot of mucus when I have a reaction to a food and I'm noticing that it's clearing up a bit. It might be a coincidence but I'm going to stay away from the avo's for now. Luckily coconuts agree with me, so I've been adding some shredded coconut to smoothies to get some healthy fats in. (Yes bad food combining... but that's ok, I'm trying to let some of the food obsessions go).

Tomorrow I'm going for another colonic, I can't wait! I always feel so much better after having one. The last time I was there my hydrotherapist recommended coming a few times a week. She said my body just "loves" them and always says what a great colonic it is. In other words.. I'm really backed up! I thought going raw would help, and it has helped a bit but not nearly as much as I thought. In fact, it gets even more painful now that the quantity of the food I consume has increased. I can feel my stomach bloat out and pressure starts pushing down. Ick.

Oats have been on the menu lately in a few different ways. I've been stirring oat bran into my smoothies and I made some oat cookies as well (dehydrated). I was never a huge fan of oats, but my body is really loving them. The bran helps move things along a bit and I find them quite tasty. I know their not raw, but I'm ok with that! I'm glad I never read Dr. Doug Graham's book "Grain Damage" or I would be afraid to eat them. There certainly are a lot of conflicting theories out there. I'm not a big fan of wheat though, I think it's quite bad for you, but I've had some sprouted wheat products anyway. I'm making rejuvelac right now with sprouted wheatberries, but I think I may use quinoa or buckwheat next time. Gluten has never sat well with me and regardless of whether I stay more raw or not, I think I should stay far away from gluten containing grains.

I've found some new blogs to read. Mostly high raw blogs written by people who consume cooked food as well. I think it's going to help me get into a healthy mindset. I've found some good posts about the issue of food obsession, I'm going to write a post about the issue and include some of those links.

Tardy Post

2010-09-06T12:54:00.004-04:00

Yes it's been a while.. I keep wanting to write, but honestly I haven't been in a very happy place lately. A lot has happened though and I do feel the need to document, so here's the lowdown, in short (kinda):

I've been having major issues related to my gallstones. I went for a few meals at gourmet raw restaurants and they really did me in. I have a very low tolerance to any nuts and seeds now :( My digestion has suffered greatly, I'm having to take digestive enzymes with every meal.
I'm no longer following 80/10/10 or Natural Hygiene principals. I think the diet is great but it just wasn't working for me anymore. I didn't like the amount of food I had to consume. Unfortunately, I can't make most raw recipes due to the high fat content. So I'm stuck either consuming large quantities of food or a high percentage of fat, which leads me to my next point..
I'm no longer 100% raw. I've been toying around with a few cooked items here and there and I feel much better. I would like to continue to be mostly raw and maybe eventually return to 100%. I'm not sure what the future holds though
My depression and anxiety have returned :( Not much else to say about it. My Dr. wants me to go back on anti-depressants but I don't want to...
I'm seeing a naturopath for the first time. I always thought they were too expensive, but doing it all alone wasn't working. My first visit was a few days ago and so far it's confirmed my hunch, the pricetag for all the tests ordered was outrageous and I left the clinic in tears. I'm willing to ride this out for a bit, but if it continues to cost me so much long term, I may was well start taking conventional medicine. I'm lucky to live in a country with free health care so I haven't had to pay for any of the tests so far. I'm curious of all naturopaths cost so much or if I was just lucky to go to a pricey one.
I'm not going back to school. My mood is so low I don't think it is wise. I'm also not looking for a job. This is healing time. I've withdrawn from social activities as well. I'm trying to find a balance that works for me overall.
I've moved in with roommates. Love them! Less money for rent and I get to socialize without leaving the apartment :)
I'm coming to terms with my food/body issues. I've lost a lot of weight, but I feel as though I've lost myself along the way. I'm constantly trying on clothes to see if they fit, weighing myself and looking at my body in the mirror. I always thought these feelings would fade if I lost weight, but it's actually made them much worse. I'm starting to seek help for this. I also think staying away from the raw community might help. It's so easy for me to constantly obsess over food with the excuse that I do it because I'm raw.

Overall I just want to be healthy again. I'm reaching out in many capacities but I haven't fully made the leap to get the help that I need. My body is very weak right now and I get tired very easily. I'm not eating enough and I know this. I use my digestive issues as an excuse a lot and I need to move away from that. If I truly want to heal, I need to be pure and honest with myself and others. This is extremely tough for me but I feel it's the only way I will find happiness.

I'm upset that I've reached this slump. There's a sense of pride that I had when I took my health into my hands and was feeling so much better without intervention from anyone. Now I realize that I can't do this alone. My stubborn nature is such that I want to. I know it's silly but I'm also sad that I'm not 100% raw. I feel as though I'm a failure. So many other people have had this lifestyle work for them. I lasted nearly 8 months and I was really hoping I would be able to carry it on for years.

I'm going to be posting more often now, it will be a good creative outlet for me and hopefully help me on my road to recovery.

still alive

2010-05-07T09:18:00.002-04:00

Well I haven't posted in months, but I'm happy to say that I'm still raw. It's been almost 4 months now. Unfortunately I'm not sure how much longer this experiment will last, as I have been struggling a lot in the past few weeks. I did have 2 small instances of having tiny bits of cooked food, but I am not about achieving perfection. I never want to feel deprived on this diet and so far I never have. I've also been able to find a good middle ground to go out and socialize with my friends at restaurants and potlucks. Sometimes it means meeting up afterward so that I'm not sitting and watching them eat (which I realize more and more is actually really boring!).

The struggle has been with my health. I have been trying 80/10/10 in the hopes that I could take a natural hygiene approach to my problem with hypothyroidism. Also in the past year I had developed what seems to be a gallbladder issue as well. I certainly do not want to have my gallbladder removed, especially since it's not a 100% guaranteed cure to stop any of the problems. I did the gallbladder flush and got a bunch of stones coming out, but I never bothered to repeat the flush because it was really intense. Sadly, sticking to 80/10/10 has not helped keep these problems away. My thyroid symptoms have been creeping back, I've been having really big issues with circulation, as well as my energy has decreased. Also, the gallbladder pain has returned which is really shocking because it is triggered by high fat meals and I have had very few of those. I did go to a gourmet raw restaurant a few weeks ago and indulge in a fatty meal, but that was not the only meal that has been causing distress. I find concentrated fats are triggering the issue, so I'm trying to avoid avocados and sticking to small sprinklings of nuts and seeds as my fats.

The thing that's plaguing me the most is constipation, which has gotten quite painful at times. It's a bit shocking since I'm consuming fruits and greens and I would never imagine I would have a problem with digestion on these foods! I notice that melons can alleviate the problem sometimes, but not always. Even right now I have several days worth of fruit pushing on my stomach and it's quite uncomfortable. I have been contemplating going on the master cleanse again, since that's how my journey started. I realize doing the master cleanse isn't aligned with 80/10/10 or natural hygiene but it definitely helps cleanse the entire system. I also find it frees up extra energy since you're not expending energy on digestion.

I decided to go to the doctor as well and get my blood tested. I hadn't told my family doctor about any of the changes I'd made and I wanted to make her aware. Also my curious mind is wondering how my thyroid levels are doing. I'm having second thoughts on discontinuing my thyroid medication, since I know constipation and circulation problems are big symptoms of hypothyroidism. However, my reason for being raw was to work on it naturally without drugs, and that is not always going to be fun. I was also curious about my doctor's reccomendation for my gallbladder issue, so far I am scheduled for an ultrasound to see if that is the issue (I'm pretty sure it is).

I feel as if I'm at a bit of a crossroads. If I decide to take the medication again, I don't really see the point in continuing with raw foods. I certainly would like to continue with a really "clean" diet, but maybe not 100% raw. I think the raw food diet is optimal for human beings, I completely agree with Dr. Graham on everything he's written and spoken about, but at the same time it's been a struggle living in a cooked food world. I do find it annoying that I have to prepare my meals ahead of time when I go out and make sure I always have enough calories to get through the day. It's almost becoming another stressor in my life when it was meant to alleviate stress. I've noticed my social life has taken a bit of a toll as well. I'd like to find a happy balance without feeling as though I'm "selling out" or not being genuine to what I truly believe.

I've met several people with different views on being raw. Many start out 100% but after a few months they turn to 70% due to many of the struggles I just listed. At the end of the day, the struggle is taking place within myself, and I need to realize that. No one is pressuring me to eat cooked food, all of my friends and family have been incredibly supportive. In fact, I've had friends who spoke to the staff at restaurants for me when I was too shy to speak up for myself. Also some friends have even prepared 80/10/10 foods for me to eat at potlucks so I don't have to rely only on my own food. I find that very thoughtful and touching. However there's no denying that choosing to live a different lifestyle does introduce some struggles.

The thing that has been keeping me going lately has been the fact that despite all my symptoms returning, I can't deny that my health has improved. Comparing my health now to my health on a cooked vegan diet is not a fair comparison since I was on medication in the past. If I think back several years to before starting my thyroid medication I remember having many more symptoms that were much more severe. So sticking with 80/10/10 will at least ensure that I would need a much lower dose of synthetic thyroid hormone (if I decide to take it).

The next few weeks should be interesting as I get my test results back and see what my doctor recommends. I have been taking a natural thyroid booster for the past week that has helped, so I may just continue with that for a while. I'm mostly interested to see what the tests say since I've had hypothyroid symptoms even when my levels tested in the "normal" range. Obviously this isn't an exact science! I'm going to be blogging a bit more just to document what happens. Wish me luck, and all the best to you out there wherever you are in your journey.

One Month Mark

2010-02-18T11:16:00.003-05:00

I've officially been following 80/10/10 for one month today! Hooray! I've learned so much in the past month, and I feel as I still have so much more learning to do. I've had a few struggles, but so far no real big obstacles. I have a feeling the obstacles will come more as I get out more and socialize.

With my friend passing I've been making an effort to see mutual friends to support them through this rough patch. I had not been intending to be so social yet but it was probably good to start because it was a huge fear of mine. I've gone to 2 restaurants so far. I didn't order anything, just brought fruit that I ate instead. I never even bothered to speak to a waiter/waitress, I was always with a big group so they probably didn't even notice that they forgot to take my order. Most of my friends know now that I'm eating this way, so they understand when I reach into my bag and start eating fruit. I've had to be a bit firm with a few of them when their joking around went too far, I'm a very lighthearted person and I can take a joke, but sometimes I just want to enjoy my meal as they probably want to enjoy theirs.

One thing I was not prepared for was a backlash on how healthy 811rv is. I've been hanging out with vegans and vegetarians, and several have been inspired by my journey and want to be "more raw" because they see how happy I am. However there have been some people who really challenge that it's what my body needs. I was shocked that several people think I'm not getting enough protein, since this is a myth that all vegans deal with from the SAD crowd. It's too bad that so many vegans have been continued to be brainwashed by this as well. I've also been challenged by several people for not buying all of my produce organic. For me it's a money issue right now and I'm really doing what I can. I had one person go so far as to tell me that if I'm eating foods bathed in pesticides, I'm not "really raw". I turned it around and told him that cow manure is used to grow produce, organic or not, so is he "really vegan"? I was hoping to get more support from people who have dealt with these struggles in their own lives, dealing with SAD folks, but it seems some people have some growing and learning to do. I want to emphasize that not everyone has been negative, there has been some really positive feedback too and that has been encouraging.

I did have one day where I was out of the house longer than I intended, I hadn't eaten enough before I left and I was in a rush so I just grabbed a few things really quickly and left. I ate my fruit, but I could tell it wasn't going to be enough and I panicked. I started getting hungry and then got a bit dizzy, I needed to eat something or leave quickly. I was cranky and stressed and was afraid I'd have a panic attack (I've had a couple lately). I told a friend of mine and she said I should go to the store and buy some fruit, thankfully we were very close to some fruit stands. I didn't want to call attention to myself, but all of my friends followed me to the store. I managed to get some more fruit, but then I had nowhere to eat it. It's cold outside and we had just left a restaurant. Someone suggested a cafe and I was very happy for it. It took a while to get settled in and sit down and in that time I got very cranky because I was sooo hungry! I had not let myself get that hungry and I really didn't like the feeling at all. As I pulled out my fruit there were some comments again and I quietly said "now is not the time" and started to eat. I felt better after some fruit, but I felt so embarrassed by the incident.

The one thing that really gets to me is the amount of planning. If this had happened to me before becoming raw I could have just ordered a big burrito and wolfed it down, and I would have had plenty of calories. Fruit just takes longer to eat, so even after I started eating I didn't begin to feel better right away. It would have been nice to have a smoothie just to ingest a lot of calories, but I can't really keep a blender with me at all times. I didn't think to ask at the cafe, it turns out they had fruit smoothies available although I'm not sure if they used fresh fruit or syrups/powders. I just don't bother looking at menu's anymore because I assume there's nothing decent they could offer me.

I want to end on a positive note. On the weekend a few friends of mine had me over for dinner. I had already been telling them about my dietary changes and they insisted on making food that we could all enjoy so I provided them with an exhaustive list of things I eat and do not eat. They understood raw (we have other raw friends) so that was really helpful, no suggestions of steamed veggies or cooked rice! I told them the easiest way to think about it was that I can eat all sweet, ripe fruit except pears, peaches and strawberries (because of my thyroid). They meal they made was outstanding and I really appreciated the effort. They did serve fats (small amount of avocado) with sweet fruit (including melons) and I noticed my stomach did not handle it well. I did not want to make a big deal about it, but I did try to gently inform them that it's not ideal for digestion. I'm so grateful to have such loving, caring friends who went to this effort to make me feel at ease. I feel truly blessed!

Raw Emotions

2010-02-11T09:42:00.003-05:00

I've always found the name of the book by Angela Stokes "Raw Emotions" to be very true. Although I've never read the book, I know many people are very addicted to cooked foods due to its numbing effect. As a former emotional eater I can definitely relate to this. On a low fat raw diet, there is no way I can use food to numb any negative feelings I may have. I simply have to face the feelings head on. I may write another post about this in the future, but for now the topic has come up due to a personal reason.

A good friend of mine has passed away in a car accident. She was an amazing person with a kind and compassionate soul. I feel selfish even making this tragedy about me but part of me feels as if this is my first "test". No longer on anti-depressants and eliminating cooked food has caused me to feel my emotions more intensely. Last night after I heard the news I found myself blindly going to the kitchen a few times. I opened up the fridge and saw healthy fruit, which I did not want. I still have dry ingredients for cooking in the house, but I wasn't even tempted to make them. I caught myself in the kitchen and asked "why?" and walked away.

I can tell this is going to be a struggle. The last time I fell off the road to health I was working a very stressful job and went through the same behaviour. Unfortunately at that job there was a vending machine I had to pass several times a day. I eventually broke down and bought some chips, and then some more... and some more. I can honestly say if I kept chips in the house I probably would've eaten them last night, so I'm grateful to live alone in that respect.

I may stop posting for a while, I'm not sure at this point. One of the perks of being unemployed is having excess free time, but unfortunately this can be a bad thing during times like these. If you're reading this, please give your loved ones an extra squeeze for me today. Joni Mitchell had it right: You don't know what you got till it's gone.

Tomatoes and Pineapple

2010-02-08T12:14:00.003-05:00

The tomatoes are OUT! As in gone, bye-bye, see you later. I had a salad a few nights ago with 1 small roma tomato on it and I ended up with a terrible headache. Not only that, my symptoms continued the next day, I felt terrible and had lots of mucus. I'm not sure why I was able to tolerate the tomato in my tabouli recipe, maybe it was all the lemon, but my body obviously doesn't like tomatoes. I was so put off by the experience I put the rest of my tomatoes in the compost bin. No food is worth feeling that way.

I had a really negative experience with pineapple a few nights ago. I was visiting a friend and she was going to make dinner for herself, I assured her that I had enough fruit in my bag to tide me over for the night (dates and figs, yum) but we took a quick trip to the grocery store and I decided to pick up something juicy. The pineapple looked pretty good, but I didn't really know what to look for to see if they were ripe or not. I blindly picked one. I found out that it was under-ripe when I tried to twist the top of it off, it did not come off easily. The flesh also seemed very hard. I cut up the entire pineapple and heaped it into a bowl. I was determined to enjoy it no matter what. To my dismay, after I'd consumed about 1/3 of the pineapple my mouth got so sore that I had to stop. The top of my tongue felt as it was covered with blisters, and the sides of my were tender as well. The insides of my lips also felt quite bumpy and sore. After doing some reading later on at home, this seems to happen to people when eating and under-ripe pineapple.

Recently, Frederic Patenaude posted a video on his blog about picking a ripe pineapple. I wish I had watched this beforehand so I wouldn't have had such a negative experience. Frederic shot the video in Panama City, I think it's much easier to find ripe pineapple there. I have a feeling that you will not find a ripe pineapple in the typical grocery store in North America. Maybe my craving for fresh pineapple will have to go on hiatus until I take a vacation to a tropical area.

Embracing Overt Fats

2010-02-07T10:26:00.003-05:00

In doing further reading about liver function, it appears that an extremely low-fat diet can put the liver under stress, as much as a high-fat diet. I hadn't really being using over fats for my first week of 80/10/10, but for the sake of my liver I thought it wise to start including them. For me this is really playing with fire because I believe my body is completely addicted to fats. "Just a little bit" can turn into "a lot" very quickly.

I've decided to avoid nuts completely since they can be very difficult to find raw, and can be very pricey. I sprouted some sunflower seeds a few weeks ago in a jar, the end result wasn't that exciting. I find sprouting not that appealing anymore, most of my food prep is so quick, it seems silly to wait several days for some sprouts I will consume in a few minutes once they're ready. I've added sprouted ground flax to a few of my salads and I enjoyed the added "gritty" texture, kind of like "breaded" lettuce. I'm not sure I want to consistently spend money on buying bags of the flax meal though. I could always get a coffee grinder and grind them up myself, we'll see if I continue to enjoy the flavour. I tried out hemp seeds in my tabouli recipe and couldn't really taste the hemp due to the overwhelming lemon. It didn't add much texture to the salad like the flax does. I'll have to experiment with a few other dressings and see if the taste comes through, I really enjoy the taste of hemp.

A few days ago I saw some avocados at my local fruit stand, they looked as they were just ripe so I bought 2 to try. In the past I have not enjoyed avocado, I find it tastes way too thick, rich, and sits heavy in my stomach. I made a salad and sliced up half the avocado to put on top. The end result wasn't as bad as I expected, I can appreciate the taste of avocado more now. I might try it in a dressing in the future. I did notice that after the salad I looked a bit longingly at the other half of the avocado. I considered slicing it up and eating it with some sliced cucumber. I'm usually completely satisfied after my salads (they're huge!) and I wasn't really "hungry". I realized this was merely a craving and my addiction to fat kicking in. I wrapped up the 1/2 avocado in the fridge and put my craving away. The thought did not cross my mind for the rest of the night, but I did go to bed feeling a little less satisfied than usual. I'll have to make sure I don't overdo the avocados, because the last thing I want to do is "wake up" my craving for fats and start to indulge a little bit here and a little bit there. Nothing good has come from doing that in the past for me.

I remember meeting a woman in the past at a raw food potluck. She had been raw for a few months, but she told me she was feeling a lot of "detox" symptoms. I was surprised she would still be experiencing detox after a few months of being raw. I asked what her typical day consisted of and she told me she ate a lot of fresh fruit. I was really happy to hear this, since most people get seduced by the "gourmet-style" raw dishes using dehydrators and making nut milks. She also told me that she was using avocados to help her with her detox symptoms. I wasn't sure what she meant, but she admitted to eating up to 8 avocados a day! If I had known then what I know now I would have told her that her symptoms were not related to detox, just bad food combining. If someone is eating fruit and fats together, it can cause a lot of digestion problems! It's too bad people don't do more research on their food choices, they could be saving themselves from a lot of uncomfortableness. I'm glad I've found 80/10/10 and am able to keep myself in check, I feel amazing!

"super" foods?

2010-02-05T22:26:00.002-05:00

I'll admit it. I've been duped in the past by superfoods. If you haven't heard of superfoods before, they're a bunch of random foods usually with a colorful history, found deep in some foreign country, that contains a boatload more vitamins and minerals than the average banana. What's not to love about that?

At a closer glance, many of these foods may not carry all the "powers" that they claim. The extra nutrients aren't always easily assimilated by the human body. Similar to the idea of taking a multivitamin everyday that mostly comes out in your urine. These foods are usually quite expensive, due to the price of shipping it from around the world. They are usually only a couple of sources. Some are freeze-dried or frozen, it can be difficult to find them fresh.

As a well-meaning cooked food vegan in the past, I heard so much about these elusive foods, I had to try them out. I've attended many health food expos that had plenty of samples available. Usually by the end of the day of attending one of these shows I've consumed something from every booth: berries, seeds, algae, powders, nectars, potions, you name it, I've tried it. Occasionally someone's sales pitch would stick with me. "This aids digestion, you have to take it before every meal" said one vendor, handing me a cup. She was selling a 30-day supply for $45. It was a special deal for the show. "Doesn't everyone want to lose weight?" said another vendor, handing me a cup. You had to take a scoop once a day, $30 for one bottle.

I have a small selection of some of these superfoods left in my fridge. I was going through them recently, reading the claims and ingredients. I figured it wouldn't be too bad to try consuming a small amount once in a while since I hate wasting money, and hate wasting food even more. I picked up the bag of chia seeds. Chia is a seed that has a very gooey texture when it's soaked in liquid (similar to flax). Many raw food "guru's" have recipes for things like oatmeal that are based on chia. You can read up on chia if you'd like, there are many claims about the little seeds. High in calcium, fibre, antioxidants, omega 3's, etc. I decided to try a chia "pudding" recipe I found online, it called for another elusive "super" powder I happened to have in my fridge as well. Mixing up the concoction it started to get a very dark color and pungent smell. I let it sit for 10 minutes and it became as thick as porridge. It took me a while to consume the whole bowl. I got the impression the bowl was supposed to last all day, but it barely put a dent in my hunger. Thankfully the fat grams in chia didn't cause me to go over 10% fat in my calories for the day.

I immediately felt a little ill after consuming the "pudding". I figured it was a reaction to the taste/smell. After a while I felt very dry and dehydrated. After reading a bit on chia, it turns out they can dehydrate you, which is why it's best to soak them. I consumed extra water, but I felt very bloated, like I'd had bread or rice. I eventually "passed" the chia seeds. I was quite amused to discover that the consistency had remained the same. The entire bowl of chia had passed through my body undigested. Apparently they're a great source of insoluble fibre! I wonder if my body extracted any of the nutrients these little seeds had to offer. I've read several articles that claim they do not need to be ground up like flax in order for the body to reap the benefits. I find it very hard to believe given my experience. I promptly threw the rest of the bag of chia seeds in the garbage, I have a feeling the rest of my "super" food will follow.

Experiments in the Kitchen

2010-02-02T19:28:00.008-05:00

Ever since I found out I couldn't eat many tomatoes at once, I've been struggling to find a replacement savory meal to eat in the evening. I had been having a really yummy tomato stew/soup that I modified a bit each night using different herbs. I decided to give salads a try. I had experience eating really big salads when I was following Dr. Fuhrman's "Eat To Live" (ETL) program. It's not a raw diet, but mainly centered around lots of vegetables, both cooked and raw, beans, and small amounts of grains. He also advocates eating a very low fat diet, similar to Dr. Graham. I had really great results with his program, a lot of the same benefits as 80/10/10. I struggled mostly with wanting to go raw and not having enough calories when I completely omitted grains and beans. Who knew the answer was as simple as eating more fruit?

In my ETL days I would eat salads comprised of 1 head of lettuce, 1/2 a cucumber, 2 or more tomatoes, 2 celery stalks, and a handful of parsley if I had some on hand. I struggled to find a store-bought decent tasting low-fat dressing that was also low in sodium. I eventually decided to forgo the dressing and use a squeeze of lemon. A few nights ago I recreated my typical ETL salad and found the lemon to be overwhelming. I gulped down the salad thinking to myself I would prefer to eat the lettuce plain. My only problem with undressed salads (and using lemon) is that all the "stuff" moves around a lot on the plate. Nothing is held together, so you end up chasing around little bits of things with your fork. So I decided to try making a few different 80/10/10 dressing recipes, and here are the results. *Note: none of those recipes are my own, I give credit to where I saw them, but if you'd like me to remove yours please let me know.

Salad #1: Mango Red-Pepper
Inspired by the book The 80/10/10 Diet by Dr. Douglas N. Graham

In the book Dr. Graham has a dressing that is made up of 1 mango blended with 1 red pepper. I loved this but I found it waaaay too sweet. I made a modified version with less mango and added some celery.

1/2 mango
1 red pepper
1 stalk celery
Blend together and enjoy

Verdict: This is definitely going to be a staple in my kitchen!

Salad #2: Un-Chicken Salad
Inspired by Swayze's Totally Chicken-Less Chicken Salad.

The moment I read Swayze's recipe I got inspired. I envisioned a "slaw" type salad with this dressing, something really crunchy. Since I avoid cabbage, I used shredded iceberg lettuce instead. I made some substitutions with her dressing as well.

1-2 head iceberg lettuce
2 cups white grapes
1/2 cucumber
3 stalks celery
dill

Shred the lettuce, cut 1 cup of grapes into halves, cut one stalk of celery, spiralize the cucumber or cut into thin strips. Blend 1 cup of grapes with 2 stalks of celery and dill to taste.

Verdict: I loved this! The textures were great and the dressing wasn't too sweet. I liked having the cucumber thinly sliced so it really soaked up the dressing (a tip from Swayze). I can't wait to try this again!

I enjoyed this so much I took a few pictures with my webcam, low quality but I thought I'd share anyway:

Salad #3: Tabouli
A friend of mine recently mentioned making "raw tabbouleh". I didn't ask which recipe he used, but I searched online for some inspiration. I found this recipe and got inspired by the use of hemp seeds to replace the bulgar. I switched some things around and omitted some things as well.

1 bunch parsley
1/2 cucumber
1 tomato
2 Tbsp. hemp seeds
1 stalk celery
juice of 1/2 lemon

Mince the parsley in to small bits, a food processor works well for this but I used a magic bullet (just a few pulses in small amounts of parsley at a time) or you can chop by hand. Cut up the cucumber and tomato. Add in the hemp seeds. Cut up the celery and blend with lemon juice. Pour over salad, mix and let sit for at least 30 mins.

Verdict: The entire time I was eating this I kept trying to figure out what it was lacking. I know if I added garlic, salt, and oil it would've been closer to the tabouli I remember. I think the garlic was the huge missing link. Also, despite using less lemon and blending with celery, my tastebuds found this way too tart. It made me realize that I never really liked tabouli all that much, just the mixture of salt, oil and garlic. I may try this again in the future with less lemon and more celery. I also found that the hemp seeds got very soft in the dressing and didn't have adequate texture to replace the bulgar, I can see why the original recipe called for so much. I actually felt a little stingy with the hemp and sprinkled 1/2 Tbsp on top of the final dish.

It sure looked like tabouli though:

I was surprised that the final product didn't make a huge plate, so I lined my usual salad bowl with stacked iceberg lettuce leaves in the hopes that some of the dressing would get soaked up:

I actually enjoyed the tabouli more when it was sandwiched between lettuce leaves, it cut some of the tartness of the lemon.

Since I dusted off my webcam, I decided to take a picture of me as well to add to my profile. I'll need to get a better picture in the future :)

More Trial and Error

2010-02-02T10:17:00.003-05:00

As week 2 of 80/10/10 wraps up for me, I've learned more about which foods work for me and which foods don't. I'm still facing some struggles getting in enough calories, but I seem to have found a good balance now that I'm consuming dates. My headaches have gotten a lot better since I discovered the (possible) culprit. I had a pretty bad headache a few days ago without consuming any tomatoes, the only thing I had added was grapes. Grapes? I thought they were a remedy for headaches! The thing I'm learning is that I can have a small amount of many of these fruits that cause me distress, but when I have a lot is a problem. So no mono-meals of grapes or tomatoes.

I've made new friends with two fruits: dates and persimmons. All I have to say is wow! I managed to find a few good stores in my city that carry imported dates from the middle east. In those store they label them as "fresh dates" but they come in packages, or you can buy in bulk. There is a difference in taste and texture from the dates I've bought in the past from the supermarket. These are much more plump and juicy, not shriveled up. I think they're as fresh as I will find in the city, without mail ordering from a supplier directly myself.

The persimmons I've found come in packs of 3 from Korea. They were rock hard when I got them from the store, knowing nothing about them I decided to buy a pack. I took them out of the bag and placed them on a shelf at room temperature and they got pretty ripe in only a few days. I didn't know what to expect the first time I cut into one, I had no idea the seeds would be so big! The first one I tried, I simply scooped out the inside into a bowl and dug in. Really yummy sweet jelly. I also tried blending one with banana to make a pudding, that was yummy as well. I went back to the store and bought another pack of 3. They sell for $1.99 per package which isn't too bad for something imported from far away, but I will still need to limit my indulgence a bit.

My digestion is improving, finally! I've been having a hard time, which I will not go into too much detail about (I know it can bother some people). I've been a bit constipated since stopping my thyroid medication. I've noticed that limiting my banana intake helps relieve this. Apparently bananas can cause constipation in some people and relieve it in others? It has to do with the root of the issue, which I'm not sure what mine is. Anyway, one or two bananas a day is ok with me, but no mono-meals. I'm glad I found those dates or else I would have a hard time finding enough calories without bananas. I also found that eating apples with the skin, and munching on celery throughout the day helps as well. Just some extra fiber to keep everything moving.

Also, blending doesn't help, so I'm trying to limit the amount of blended drinks I have. Blending high sugar fruit like dates, persimmons, bananas is fine, but it's not good for anything else. I need the chewing motion to help my digestion. I've also given up on spinach. For a while I was having baby spinach which is supposed to be ok due to the lower amount Oxalic Acids, but it gives me a burning sensation at the back of my throat. I'm supposed to avoid spinach altogether because of my thyroid anyway, so another reason to stay away.

One step forward, two steps back...

2010-01-28T21:24:00.003-05:00

With a blog title like that, you'd assume I'd fallen off the raw "wagon"... well you'd be wrong! Day 8 and still going strong. I did 7 days without any overt fats, and today I decided to add some ground flax to my evening meal. I must say it did not do much for me in terms of taste. I've had that bag of ground flax for a while, so once I get through the rest of it I'll probably switch to occasionally using hemp seeds. Overt fats are tricky for me, if I have them around I start getting tempted. Walnuts, for example, are something I just can't control myself around. I also don't care for the taste of many (like almonds or avocados), so it's a fine balance. I think hemp will be good because I love the flavour it can add, but it can be overwhelming on its own.

So what hurdle am I facing? Food sensitivities. Most notably, tomatoes. This is earth shattering to me because I love tomatoes so much. The salty, juicy taste is something that can't be beat. I'm not sure it's tomatoes that is causing my problems yet... so there's still hope. I've been getting headaches every night before bed, at first I thought it was dehydration, but I increased my water (so much that I had to get up in the middle of the night twice last night to pee) and it didn't make much of a difference. I thought it might be cucumbers, so I omitted them from my meals (I don't care for them that much anyway) and the headaches continued. Also, a kind of gross "filmy" taste in my mouth as well.

I had 2 evening meals last night, since the first one didn't satisfy me. The second one satiated me, but the headache came back along with the bad taste in my mouth... also a bit of acid burning sensation in my esophagus. I did some research today and tomatoes seem to be a big headache trigger for a lot of people, and they also trigger heartburn/acid reflux issues. Bingo!

I'm already not certain that it's tomatoes because as I write this I feel a bit of a headache, it has been bugging a bit all day. And the bad taste in my mouth is still there. I didn't have tomatoes all day, but I don't know if it will take a few days to get them out of my system (I've been eating a LOT of tomatoes every day). I'll keep avoiding them for a few more days and if this doesn't stop, I'll have to look into something else. It may be mangoes, since I bought case of them and have been eating several a day.

Overall it's pretty annoying given that I'm already avoiding certain fruits because of my thyroid. You'd think mother nature would give me a break here and let me enjoy everything else that is sweet and juicy. Another bad thing happened today: I had a bit of green urine. I did a double take because it hasn't happened since I did the liver flush. A bit later there was a dull ache on my right side under my rib. I don't know what to do, I can try the flush again to see if I get more stones out. I really don't want to see a doctor, but I may have to, just for diagnostic purposes. I will refuse medication or surgery though, there is always another way.

Speaking of medication, I told one of my Doctor's that I had stopped taking my anti-depressants and he was totally supportive. I don't think there was much he could have done to talk me into taking them again anyway. It's funny because about a month ago he was trying to coax me to increase the dosage (I was feeling really low). He kept asking me "what happened?" to prompt this change. I told him I'm eating healthier, but that didn't really satisfy him, so I told him a bunch of other stuff happening in my life and I think he just eventually wrote it off as circumstances changing. I don't care what he thinks though, it's the diet, I feel alive again!

Me, My Thyroid and I

2010-01-25T16:35:00.004-05:00

I'll be honest, I've been putting off writing this entry for a few days. I realize it's silly, I've always treated it like a homework assignment. The writing aspect does not phase me, I could easily write about a variety of topics for hours on end, that's one of my "natural talents" I suppose. The reason I haven't wanted to write about this topic is because I'll have to face certain fears and emotions that I would rather keep tucked away. However years of experience has taught me that that's the worst way to deal with anything that has been bothering me.

I touched on my thyroid issues in a previous post. I'm not going to get too into the anatomy or the function of the thyroid, there's plenty of well-written articles about it available to read on the internet by people far more credible than I. I'm just going to talk about my own first-hand accounts.

I've been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, which essentially means a slow or lazy thyroid. There are two different types of medication you can take to correct this: synthetic hormones or "natural" thyroid. I've been taking Levothyroxine, a synthetic thyroid hormone for roughly 11 years. There's a bit of debate over which type of medication is superior. Some great info on the drawbacks of synthetic hormone are available on a fabulous website called Stop The Thyroid Madness. I agree with most of the points, but I never switched to the "natural" thyroid because my ethics do not support it. The extracted thyroid comes from a pig and I do not believe that animals should be used in this way. I realize it's a bit hypocritical since the vast majority of medications in North America are tested on animals (which I am also opposed to) so my synthetic hormone is contributing to animal cruelty as well. I basically chose to keep with the lesser of two evils in this instance, but I can't say it doesn't bother me because it does.

I have no idea what the root cause of my hypothyroidism is. I can only assume it's hereditary, even though neither of my parents has this issue. I learned a few years ago that one of my uncles has hypothyroidism, so it may run in the family. When I initially got diagnosed, the rest of my immediate family was strongly advised to get tested. To my knowledge only my mom got tested and her levels were fine, the rest of my family never exhibited any symptoms so I don't think they felt the need to bother.

I've never had full relief of my hypothyroid symptoms, but I will admit that they do diminish drastically when I'm on the synthetic hormone. Yet there's an annoying nagging little voice in the back of my head that wonders if I really really really to take a synthetic hormone to be in peak health. I'm not a big fan of conventional medicine and doctors in general. I feel as though the human body is a big mystery, and most practitioners only know about 10% (or less) about how it functions. Everyday there seems to be a new study that discovers something new about how the body works. Taking a pill everyday really does seem to be a band-aid approach. I would prefer to find the root cause and deal with it. Am I deficient in certain vitamins? Do I not absorb certain minerals so well? I'm a big believer in the quote from Hippocrates: "Let food be thy medicine, thy medicine shall be thy food". I know I could shell out some money to work with a really good naturopath and figure out some of these problems, but I don't have much money right now. I know some would argue that I could forgo some "extras" just to put my health first, and I would agree with that. The main issue I have would be I do not know of a very good naturopath in my city who would (a) have the knowledge about thyroid issues, and (b) be willing to work with an 80/10/10 diet. The last thing I need is to see someone who suggests eating a "little" bit of fish, or even cooked grains. It's not going to happen. I've scoured the web and there are definitely some naturopaths who are raw food enthusiasts in my city, but I haven't been able to find any reviews on their services. Just doing an initial evaluation with a few different natural health practitioners seems like a big investment that may not pay off.

The best I've been able to do is read lots of articles about the thyroid and success stories from people who were able to get off the medication (and stay off). I've looked into many different possible solutions: Ayurveda, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Herbalism, etc. This is how I came across the idea behind Natural Hygiene (NH). The main principle of NH is that the human body is able to repair and restore itself without any added supplements, herbs or medicines. You simply need to provide proper rest, hydration and fuel. I completely agree with this principal, the human body is a resilient little creature that will always heal given the right environment and appropriate time. The problem is we never give our bodies those things. We are constantly consuming stimulants, alcohol, refined sugars, fats, etc. which is basically poisoning our bodies. I've been guilty of this in the past, just a few examples from my more unhealthy years: binge drinking, cigarette smoking, caffeine and stimulant addiction, over the counter drug abuse, extreme calorie restriction, overexercising, and some more that I don't care to list here. I also have had issues with compulsive overeating and used to frequently binge on some really disgusting food including fried chicken and cream filled donuts. Yuck! No wonder my body needs healing.

Those who are already familiar with Dr. Douglas Graham and 80/10/10 will know that he supports Natural Hygiene. I believe his "diet" (if that's what you can call it) is by far the healthiest for the human body, mainly for the fact that it makes sense. Eating a piece of dead chicken covered in lard and breadcrumbs and deep fried does not make sense. Eating a banana does. I also like the fact that Dr. Graham presents the ideas without trying to sell anything. He is not endorsing a certain vitamin or brand of superfoods. He is simply passing along his knowledge so that others can benefit. For this and many other reasons, I'm choosing to follow the 80/10/10 principle. I can go into this topic more in the future, so that's all I say about that for now.

The main issue I'm running into is that I have very little patience when it comes to healing. I believe it's a symptom if living in the current society that we do. We're used to a "quick fix", that's why you'll find tylenol in most people's medicine cabinets. If something hurts, rather than resting, stopping, healing, we take a pill to make the pain go away so we can continue to live our lives as if nothing is wrong. When I was working a very stressful job, it was taboo to take a sick day even though we each got 10 paid sick days per year. I heard stories of people coming out of surgery and checking their blackberries for "important" emails. I was even on a conference call with someone who was calling in from a doctor's office waiting room. There is a complete stigma about taking time for yourself. I'm currently not working and I've decided to use this time to heal, but not a day goes by that someone doesn't ask me "what do you do all day?" or "don't you get bored?". Unfortunately I can't sustain this lifestyle for an extended amount of time, I will need to get funds eventually and I think working will negatively affect my healing. For this reason I've decided to take a more "middle ground" approach when it comes to medication.

What does all this mean for me and my thyroid? First off, I'm going to be avoiding all goitrogenic foods, in short these are foods that suppress thyroid function. This include but are not limited to: raw cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, bok choy, kale, cabbage, etc), peaches, soybeans, peanuts, spinach, strawberries, millet, pears, pine nuts, corn, and sweet potatoes. Following 80/10/10 will eliminate most of these anyway but I do need to pay attention to avoid strawberries, pears, peaches, and spinach (cherries, apricots, and nectarines are listed on some sites as well). I've read a lot on this topic, and I've noticed that my symptoms to lessen when avoiding these foods. A quick side note on cruciferous vegetables: Kevin Gianni did a great episode of The Renegade Health Show on this topic, and I highly suggest watching it. The conclusion was that people with existing thyroid issues could consume raw cruciferous vegetables with no repercussions if they supplemented with iodine. This brings me to my next course of action.

I've decided (after lots of contemplation) to start taking a natural supplement that contains a high amount of iodine from sea vegetables. I realize that this is very anti- Natural Hygiene and 80/10/10. I'm not extremely happy about this, but my only other option would be to go back to the synthetic hormone. Unfortunately in the past few days my symptoms have returned full force. I've been off the medication for close to 3 weeks now, so I assumed all was well and I healed myself. Well, life likes to throw curve balls and this is how I'm dealing with it. I realize in the NH world I would do best to do a long term assisted water fast, preferably in a warm climate. Believe me, I would love to! But I also know that I don't want to blow my savings and possibly go into debt by doing so. I know many people have done this successfully, and my health should come before my cell phone bill. Maybe I'm too accustomed to the society that we live in. Maybe I'm just not emotionally ready to heal. I just know that I want to continue going to the gym (even though I have cut back drastically on training), I want to ride my bike, I don't want to constantly be cold, tired, and dehydrated. I've read several accounts of people following 80/10/10 and healing hypothyroidism in 2 years. Yes 2 years is nothing compared to the rest of your life, but I can't imagine sitting around for 2 years, going into debt, giving up my social life, my "extras" (phone, computer) in order to heal myself. It feels really shallow saying these things, but I can honestly say that's how I feel in my life at this time. Maybe in another year I will think differently, but right now I would like that "quick fix" back again. That being said, I would like to try the natural approach before going back to the prescription medication. I also feel that if I continue with 80/10/10 while taking a natural supplement, I will be giving my body room to heal. The 80/10/10 lifestyle is something I'm willing to stick to, and I hope someday I will be able to function without any "crutch" for my thyroid.

Whew! That's all for now, I hope this is helpful to someone else out there. It felt good to lay it all out!

More on Being Social

2010-01-23T11:31:00.002-05:00

As a vegan I have been very active in the local vegan community. I live in a big city and there is always something going on. Vegans love to eat, so there is no shortage of potlucks and restaurant gatherings to go to. Ever since I've decided to go raw, I've shied away from any social scenario that would involve food. I was describing this yesterday to a friend as "I'm so comfortable eating raw at home, but when I step outside I realize that there's a big scary world out there that wants to feed me cooked food." I haven't fully "come out of the closet" on going raw, simply because I wanted to make sure this was the path I was going to take. I didn't want to change my mind later and have everyone ask if I'm still raw.

I've decided to venture out of my cocoon tonight, I got invited to a party at someone's house, but it's not a potluck (for once). I will definitely be out of my element, it's mostly a drinking party and I don't drink, there will probably be the usual party "snacks" like chips, salsa, etc. Most of the folks are vegan, so any food will most likely be vegan as well. I plan on telling people that I'm raw now, there are a couple of raw foodists that travel in our circles, so it's not going to be too "out there".

In the end, all that matters is if I have a good time. If at any point I don't feel like I'm enjoying myself, I'm just going to leave. I don't intend on staying more than 2 hours. My biggest worry is being around cooked food and alcohol without feeling as if I'm depriving myself. I'd like to "get out there" more since I don't have a job, so I don't have much interaction with people on a regular basis. I've been going to the gym and the library, but I don't really talk to anyone while I'm there.

Alternately I could have gone to a raw food potluck that is happening tonight. I've been to those potlucks before, and the people were fabulous but I'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to go regularly (they happen once a month). As mentioned before, one of my big issues is overeating, and a potluck scenario sets me up to eat more than I need to because everything looks/tastes so good! Also the dishes tend to be more gourmet raw style and very high in fat, I'm avoiding all overt fat right now so that I can give my liver a break, so I'm not sure there would be much for me to eat anyway.

For now I'm just going to try and avoid all the "food-related" events happening in the city. This is tough because I used to go to all of them (the vegan ones anyway)! My body needs time to heal and I'm still struggling with stomach issues just eating fruit, I don't need to complicate it anymore by adding in things that I know will make it worse.

The results are in!

2010-01-22T10:58:00.002-05:00

I didn't post anything yesterday because I was too busy running to the bathroom! Needless to say the liver flush was a success. I got a lot of little "stones" out. At first I didn't think the flush worked, in the morning after the final dose of epsom salt (ick) I had only one elimination. Little did I know that the cleanse was just beginning for me, I had many eliminations for the rest of the day, even last night before I went to bed. I didn't eat anything yesterday, I just sipped on some diluted fruit juice. I didn't want anything in the way of getting the stones out.

A small note on the flush itself: epsom salts are BITTER! They are not salty at all, taking the doses of epsom salts reminded me of being at a bar and drinking a really strong drink, I just had to take a deep breath and chug back as much as I could at a time. The actual olive oil/grapefruit mixture wasn't bad at all, I got it down in about 30 seconds. The overall flush wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, so I will be definitely be doing it again soon. I've read that it usually takes quite a few flushes to get all the stones out. Oh and the stones are bright lime green, really easy to see in the toilet. I've read articles saying the flush is a hoax and the stones are really just the olive oil/grapefruit solidifying and coming out. Well there's no way because I also had large amounts of olive oil coming out, I could tell from the deep green color. The stones, on the other hand, have the color of lime green skittles, they kind of look like the tiny rocks you put in a fish tank.

Before the flush I noticed that my digestion was really sluggish, even though I was only consuming green smoothies with no overt fats. I'm hoping doing this cleanse will help move things along. There is no question that I've been having bile issues, and that's usually a cause of digestion issues. I know my slow thyroid probably has something to do with this as well, but I plan on addressing this along the way, more on that in a future post. Today I'm going to eat a small amount of fruit, sip some water and just take it easy.

Liver and Gallbladder Issues?

2010-01-20T10:06:00.002-05:00

Today I do my liver/gallbladder flush and I'm still quite nervous. I've done a lot of searching online and I've decided to follow the method outlined here. I'm off to a good start, I had my "no-fat breakfast" (green smoothie) and I plan on having another smoothie before I stop eating at 2pm.

My whole reason for doing these cleanses and going raw actually started with problems I've been having for the past few months, I have not been feeling well physically. I usually have a very ravenous appetite but I wasn't hungry at all. The first incident happened around Thanksgiving (in Canada that is in October) at a potluck. I had the sniffles at the time, so I wasn't feeling 100%. I went and ate a very very generous amount, like I usually do at potlucks. The next day I felt terrible, to the point where I thought I had food poisoning. For a few days I was bedridden with chills, fever, extreme exhaustion, no appetite, diarrhea, etc. I asked other people at the potluck if they had gotten sick and no one did. I had been so busy preparing my dish for that evening, I had barely eating anything else, so it was a pretty sure bet that I had gotten sick from something I had there.

I eventually recovered from that night, but continued to have stomach issues. Food had lost its appeal and many things I ate did not "sit well". I began eating very bland, soft foods like applesauce and baby food. Any time I ate regular "adult" food, I would feel ill afterward. I stopped my workout routine because I would get lightheaded, I wasn't eating enough. When my friends were going out to a restaurant I would go with them and eat a normal portion, but then would have stomach problems for days after.

I also noticed my urine was always a shade of green. At first it was only once in a while, but it was becoming consistently green. I wasn't taking any multivitamins that would cause a discoloration, so I looked up the symptoms. Apparently green urine can be a sign of bile in the urine. How would that happen? I figured it out over the holidays, after throwing caution to the wind and munching on potato chips and cakes one night I had a pain under my right rib. I remember trying to sleep and shifting around so it would hurt less, but nothing helped. The next day I looked through several reasons this would happen, and one really stood out: gallstones! Reading more about liver and gallbladder problems, I realized that many of my symptoms fit (including the green urine).

I figured I could make an appointment with my doctor to run some tests. As I read more I found out that there was no real "cure" for these problems. If it was gallstones, the advice was usually to wait and see if it got better because many people have "silent gallstones" that do not cause any problems. If it continues to be an issue, they could remove the gallbladder. That sounded really extreme. Plus I read personal accounts of people who had that done, and nothing got better! Great, surgery without purpose, I've already been through 2 of those (tonsils and wisdom teeth removed). I decided to try a Liver Flush to try and get the gallstones out naturally. If I don't have any gallstones, I doubt there is much harm in doing the flush anyway.

I'm open to the possibility that I'm completely wrong about all of this and I should see a doctor, but I would like to try these things and see if they help. So far since doing the Master Cleanse and green smoothies I have not seen any hint of green in my urine. I also have not had any pain in my side. My stomach is still a bit sensitive though, and I am trying to sip my smoothies slowly and not have too much at one time and that seems to help. I think going raw will help these problems a lot, but if after the flush and transitioning back to solid food I still have issues, I will make an appointment to see a doctor.

More Green Smoothe Adventures

2010-01-19T09:29:00.002-05:00

My second day of green smoothies went really well except for dinner. I read about making "blended salads" and decided to try one. I put lots of tomatoes, and some celery, cucumber, romaine lettuce, parsley and lemon juice. It did not taste good at all! I was really hoping I'd like it since I really like all of those ingredients on their own. I think maybe the lettuce made it too bitter? In any event, I tried to choke it down so I wouldn't waste all that good food, and eventually I added some apple juice ("dead juice" from a carton) so I was able to finish it. I think if I'm going to try another savoury smoothie I will follow a recipe. It's a lot easier to experiment with sweet fruits because you can't really go wrong.

Today is my last day having only green smoothies. I've been inputting my food into a site called "The Daily Plate" which calculates how many calories and how much protein, fat, carbs is in it. My calories are coming up a bit short, I've been hovering around 1,050 per day when I should have at the very least 1,200. My ratio has been about 90/5/5 and that's because I haven't had any overt fats, I will integrate them after the liver flush.

Yes tomorrow I'm going to do a liver flush (also known as a gallbladder flush). I'm very nervous about it because I've read a lot of personal accounts from people doing it and it does not sound pleasant. I will probably not have a very good sleep. Also it involves ingesting epsom salts which are apparently very very bitter. Some sites recommend using a straw to sip the drinks so you don't taste it as much. Compared to the Salt Water Flush I did on the Master Cleanse, this is supposed to be much worse! Ack! Thankfully it doesn't take too long to do and I only have to do it for one night/morning. It's not recommended to do another Liver Flush right away, so maybe in a few months I'll try again. I'm confident I have gallstones (more on that later) so I'm not going to be examining the toilet bowl for them and posting pictures. As long as I feel better in the long run, that's all that matters.

Loving Green Smoothies!

2010-01-18T09:37:00.002-05:00

Wow, my tastebuds have really woken up after having some green smoothies yesterday. I can see why everyone seems to be hooked on them! They're so easy to make and truly delicious! I did make an error last night by having too much sweet fruit, I got really jittery. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to sleep. Fortunately the feeling wore off after an hour or two. I can be sensitive to sugars and it's a great way to get energy (I could have ran around the block a few times last night) but I need to make sure I don't overdo it, just because it feels uncomfortable.

I signed up for the The Green Smoothie Queen's 3 Day Blender Bender a few weeks ago. It's totally free and they send you lots of tips and recipes which I find really helpful. In one of the emails they suggested to make your lunchtime smoothie more sweet and have dinnertime more heavy on greens. I think I will try this today so I don't feel like I'm bouncing off the walls again. I've been trying not to gulp the smoothies down either, some I've eaten with spoon or straw.

Another plus is that I got to try my new blender! It's not a high powered blender like a Vitamix or Blendtec, just one I bought at the department store. It's really nice though, digital settings, and I love the ice crush button! I've never had a real blender before, I just have a hand blender, so this is really exciting for me.

I can't believe how green these smoothies get, it's too bad I don't have a camera to take pictures. The one I had last night looked like neon green sludge! I've only been using baby spinach or mesclun mix as my greens, I have green powders I could add as well but I'm trying to keep the smoothies full of whole, natural ingredients rather than pre-prepared powders.

I'm off to make my morning smoothie, yum!

Let's try this again

2010-01-17T10:22:00.002-05:00

Yesterdays food attempts didn't get much better. I cut and peeled 2 apples, but I couldn't finish them. When I started eating them, I found my throat got really irritated. I do have a mild sensitivity to apples, but it's barely noticeable these days. I figured the irritation my throat was mostly due to the rough texture of the apples. I tried taking very small bites and chewing slowly, and that made my throat feel better. I also sipped some distilled water to soothe the irritation.

I couldn't finish the apples because they tasted so tart and acidic. I find most fruits right now taste the same. I think I got used to the sugary taste of maple syrup. I'm munching on some Bosc Pears right now and they are so sweet and yummy I might even cut up some more. I've been peeling all my fruit and cutting it up into small pieces since I don't think my digestive system is ready for the tough skins, those blueberries did not agree with me yesterday.

I'm supposed to start drinking green smoothies today, but I wonder if I'm ready. My stomach is feeling really finicky and I would hate to make a smoothie and then not be able to drink it, that seems like it would be a waste of food. I may try one or two simple combinations, without greens, just to see how it feels. I was getting so frustrated last night that I cursed solid food and wished I could go back to drinking the Master Cleanse lemonade. As appealing as that sounds, I would eventually grow tired of that concoction. I'll admit it's nice not to have to worry about what to eat, but it takes some of the creativity out of my life. I really enjoy being in the kitchen and if I want to make the full transition to Low-Fat Raw Vegan I'm going to have to deal with stumbles along the way.

Combining Fruits

2010-01-16T14:30:00.003-05:00

I just finished my first solid meal in 2 weeks. It was really great, but I pretty much inhaled it. I had 1/2 pint of blueberries, 1 pear, and 1 kiwi. I noticed a lot of different flavours and I wasn't very fond of how they mixed. I remembered reading about food combining for digestion before, but I think it applies to taste as well.

The main principle is that there are 3 categories of fruit: Acid, Sub-Acid, and Sweet. There are only two combinations that will work: Acid/Sub-Acid and Sub-Acid/Sweet. Essentially you shouldn't mix sweet and acid fruits. The problem with following these rules is that not every website lists the fruits in the same way. For example several sites list Kiwi as a Sub-Acid fruit, which means it can be eaten with Acid and Sweet fruits. However other sites list Kiwi as an Acid fruit! Most sites list pears as a Sub-Acid fruit, but I found a couple that list it as a Sweet fruit. Berries seem to usually be listed as Sub-Acid. I had some grapes I wanted to try as well, but I thought it would probably throw things off even more.

Personally I found the pear to be very sweet to have with the tart blueberries. I don't think the berries are fully ripe. It certainly was a nice change of pace from the orange juice! I'm not going to put any links on combining fruits because there's nothing definitive out there. Maybe my next meal will a mono-meal so I can take the guesswork out of this. I just hope I don't have any digestive difficulties with this first meal.

Oranges and socializing

2010-01-15T09:13:00.003-05:00

I successfully finished 1 day subsisting only on orange juice. I severely underestimated how many oranges I would need! I ran out to buy another bag yesterday and I still need to buy more in order to have enough juice today. I find the juice soooo sweet that I have to water it down a bit. I guess I got used to the watery flavour of the lemonade.

I went to an exercise class yesterday and kept up really well. I think my body is getting used to exercise again, and riding my bike. I'm still not used to having all this energy! I went to bed around 9pm last night and woke up at 5:30am. I couldn't justify getting up that early so I went back to sleep and now I feel really groggy. I'm going to have to work on balancing this out.

I have some social plans for today, which makes me a bit nervous. I've been hiding away since I started, just because it's easier to stay away from temptation. I went to the movie theatre once last week and it wasn't too bad, I didn't even think twice about eating junk from the concession stand. The person I was with knew I am tight with money though, so she probably didn't want to press the issue. Today I'm seeing a family member who may insist on buying something. Originally he wanted to get together for dinner but I suggested a movie instead. I'm going to bring a bottle of squeezed orange juice with me in case I get hungry.

Eventually I will start telling people what I'm doing, but right now I just don't feel "there" yet. I'm not ready to debate anyone on the benefits of a raw food lifestyle when I haven't even started. I think once I've been raw for a few weeks, I'll be able to state how good it makes me feel and there's nothing anyone can really say to combat that.

Transition Plan

2010-01-14T09:25:00.002-05:00

Well it's official, I'm finished the Master Cleanse! I did 11 days and by the end I think I could have kept going until 40! I already feel so much better, less brain fog, sharper senses, plenty of energy. I would be happy if this feeling lasted forever. I also got a decent amount of sleep last night, yay! I hope to keep trying to get to bed one hour earlier each night until I am in bed at 8pm. I know it seems really early, but I'd like to get a lot of sleep and wake up feeling refreshed at 6am!

So today is my first day of "breaking" the cleanse. According to the book by Stanley Burroughs, you should have 2 days of just drinking fresh squeezed orange juice. On the third day you can have some fresh fruit and maybe a salad. I bought some oranges to last me the 2 days and I'll have to buy some fruits and veggies now.

My original plan when I started the cleanse was not to go raw. I simply wanted to lose a few extra pounds from Christmas (which I did). However I find the cleanse gives me such an amazing feeling and clarity that I want to hang on to it. I'd like to stay off my medication and continue feeling great at the same time. The only way I think I can do that is by staying away from cooked foods and eating a low-fat raw vegan diet. The moment I integrate any cooked foods in, I am positive I will have to continue my medication (since it's happened before).

The closest I've come to a raw diet was doing the "Eat To Live" program by Dr. Joel Fuhrman for about a month. I was still consuming steamed vegetables and cooked beans at that point, but I did feel much better. My main problems are from high starch foods like potatoes, rice, and wheat products. I kept my consumption of beans very low on that diet as well since they are very starchy. I slowly started to replace beans with sprouts, and removed the cooked vegetables. I still felt great and didn't feel deprived at all.

My problems started when I shifted to a high fruit diet. I didn't find fruit as emotionally satisfying as vegetables. It makes sense, since many raw vegetables can be difficult to digest, therefore they would have a bit of a "numbing" effect (which is what cooked food has). Why did I try to shift? A high fruit diet that allows me to maintain a high level of energy. It also follows the 80/10/10 principle outlined by Dr. Douglas Graham in his book (80% carbs from fruit, 10% protein, 10% fat). The longest I've gone with 80/10/10 is about a week. I eventually sabotaged my progress and went back to eating cooked foods. I plan on spending more time dealing with my emotional issues along the way, and hopefully I won't feel so deprived. I'd like to take away my emotional dependency on food for good.

The great thing about doing the Master Cleanse first is that all my cooked food cravings are gone. I don't think about eating pasta or bread anymore so it's much easier to make a switch. The next few days I have a plan to go from drinking orange juice to green smoothies. Then I will do a liver flush (more on that later), more green smoothies, and then 80/10/10. My goal is to be fully transitioned by the end of the month. I think it's a very realistic goal, but very frightening! Please keep your fingers crossed for me!

A breif medical history

2010-01-13T09:41:00.002-05:00

Wow, I slept in a bit today and I feel so much more tired than usual. I really need to get this "bedtime" rule under control!

In my last post I mentioned health issues. Some I have struggled with all my life, and some for roughly 1/3 of my life, however none seem to be any better than the first time they were discovered/diagnosed.

My lifelong struggle has been with weight. Although I grew up in a much healthier household that most, we did consume a Standard American Diet (SAD). My family was tight on money, so my mother would cook everything from scratch since it's cheaper. We would go to fast food restaurants once a week as a "treat". Things like candy and soda pop made extremely rare appearances, I still don't care for them very much.

They main issue for me was the amount of food I was eating. I never really learned what being "full" meant, even to this day. I remember as a child thinking that "full" meant when your tummy started to hurt. If someone asked if I was full, I would usually say no. I also picked up on many poor eating habits. Eating when I was bored, and using food as an emotional crutch. If I was having a bad day, I would have a slice of pie or cake. Food was also used as a reward in the household. If it was someone's birthday, or if I had performed well on my report cards we would go to a restaurant. We would usually go to a "family" restaurant and have pizza and of course dessert.

My two other health issues were discovered much later in life. Fortunately for me I did not have any issues with high blood pressure and high cholesterol like most of my family. I began adopting a vegetarian diet as a teenager and I think that saved me. However in my late teens I began to get depressed. I was always a highly sensitive person, and very moody. I remember stomping around and slamming doors in my house even if the smallest thing didn't go my way. This was much different. I started developing the classic symptoms: difficulty concentrating, negative thoughts, loss of interest, loss of energy, constantly crying. It felt like really bad PMS that wouldn't go away. Through a series of highly emotional situations my mom took me to see a psychologist, who sent me to a psychiatrist for a consult. I was immediately put on anti-depressants. The pills helped a bit to lift the fog, but I still had no energy and no zest for life.

After a series of medical tests, it was discovered that I have hypothyroidism. This basically means a slow thyroid. For those who don't know, the thyroid is a butterfly shaped gland located near your throat. It produces hormones to regulate all sorts of things in your body. My thyroid wasn't producing enough stimulating hormone. This left me feeling very tired, thirsty all the time, constipated, cold, and even depressed! The doctor put me on a synthetic hormone and I learned I had to take it for the rest of my life. No explanation was ever found as to why this happened, it was just chalked up as "one of those things". Since different thing can affect the thyroid, I had to go for blood tests every 6 months to see if my hormone levels were good. The medication dosage was constantly adjusted. I did notice a more dramatic change with the thyroid medication when it was working. However, I eventually found out that I would never get rid of all these symptoms, the medication just made them more manageable. This meant I would always need to drink plenty of water, would get tired before my friends even when doing something simple like walking around a mall, and be more prone to depression.

I've been on those two forms of medication ever since, and that was roughly 11 years ago. The thyroid medication I understand is something I will always "need", but I do worry about being on anti-depressants for that long. Surely I can't still be depressed? I did an experiment with a doctor a few years ago, she gave me a lower dose and I took it for two weeks and reported how I felt. I noticed a rush of anxiety returning to my daily life. I know that the anti-depressant I'm on helps with both depression and anxiety, so she returned me to my regular dose and kept it at that. Earlier on I was prescribed extra medication for the anxiety as well, but I eventually stopped taking it because I could tell my body was dependent on it. It also didn't really help that much. I've been diagnosed with other mental illnesses such as bi-polar (manic depression), generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and some personality disorders. At one point a doctor was really pushing me to go on lithium but I refused, I'm glad I did because I really don't think I am bi-polar, just a moody 20-something!

There have been several times where I was off my medications for one reason or another (never doctor recommended). I went on vacation and forgot my bottles, or had a really busy week at work and didn't remember to get my refills. All of the symptoms returned when this happened, except once. The last time I did the Master Cleanse I unconsciously stopped taking my medication. With all the eliminations I was having during the day it never seemed the right time to take them. I would sometimes take them at night, but it didn't seem right to take them before having the laxative tea. The strange thing is I didn't get my normal symptoms returning. I wasn't depressed or tired. I felt fine. In fact, some days I felt really great! After the cleanse I attempted a healthier lifestyle. I was vegan already at the time, but I still felt the draw of salty, fried, starchy foods. I had to walk by the vending machine several times a day and I eventually broke down and had a bag of chips. Soon I was eating chips every day. Then I returned to eating more things like french fries and veggie burgers. My symptoms returned, and I started my medication again.

I could definitely see the connection between the food and my symptoms, but it was just too hard to stay away. Especially since the office I worked in always had free food laying around. Bagels, muffins, chinese take out containers. Or even worse, we would go on business lunches where the company would pay for our meal. Usually these were at a pub with lots of greasy food, plenty of appetizers on the table to share, and of course beer. There were some people I worked with who tried to be more healthy, the classic image of the lady picking at a salad, but even these people would occasionally indulge in wine and dessert. It didn't help that my job left me constantly stressed. I was at the office very late at night and had no time to worry about my health or anything else. My eating habits were poor to begin with, and being in that environment made them worse.

As mentioned before, this is my second time doing the Master Cleanse. I've stopped taking my medication again and I feel fabulous. However, I do worry about what will happen afterward. I'm trying to plan ahead so I don't fall into the same traps. I'm not working right now so that eases a lot of my previous stress. The negative eating patterns are still there though, and I think that will be the toughest thing to conquer this time around.

The Master Cleanse

2010-01-12T09:02:00.003-05:00

Today is day 10 of the Master Cleanse for me. I originally intended in only doing 10 days, but I think I will continue for one more day before ending it.

For anyone who doesn't know, the Master Cleanse is also known as the "Maple Syrup Diet". There's 3 components to it:

Salt Water Flush - drinking a liter of warm water with sea salt in it every morning on an empty stomach
Maple Syrup "Lemonade" - sipping a drink made of fresh squeezed lemons, purified water, grade "b" maple syrup, and cayenne pepper all day.
Laxative Tea - one cup of senna tea every night before bed.

The first 3 days are supposed to be the hardest, but I struggled for the first 7 days. I'm finally more into a groove now where I have no cravings at all. I also don't feel hungry and have plenty of energy, in fact maybe too much energy since I find it difficult to get to sleep at night.

My routine on the cleanse has been:
8:30am wake up
9:00am boil pot of tap water, let boil for 2 minutes, add in sea salt, let cool
9:30am drink salt water as fast as I can stomach (usually takes about 15 mins)
10:00am lay down on my right side (watch a tv show or read)
10:45am bowel movements (BM) start, have first cup of lemonade
approx 2 hours of running to the bathroom
make another batch of lemonade (I made 3 servings at a time) and go about my day
10pm-11pm Senna Tea and go to bed, lying on right side
2am-3am finally get to sleep!

The most exhausting part has been the Salt Water Flush. It's also been really frustrating not being able to sleep at night. I'm trying to start getting ready for bed earlier and earlier. My goal is to be in bed reading by 8pm but it never happens. I've also though about sipping less lemonade in the evening so I don't feel so wired.

I've been using only distilled water during the flush, which involves boiling a huge pot of water every 3 days, leaving it to cool to room temperature and then chilling in the fridge. I find the water to taste very "flat" but it's the cheapest option for me right now, since there are no affordable filters on the market (the typical ones you find in the supermarket really don't do much).

I usually have 6-8 cups of the lemonade in one day. This is only 600-800 calories, so I'm surprised that I don't feel tired. I've been getting some exercise along with riding my bike on errands, and I've noticed my "limit" is a little bit lower, but I'm ok with that. I think if I drank more lemonade I would probably have even more energy, but I think it might be too much energy that I have nothing to do with. If I was going to go for a run I'd probably drink more lemonade, but I haven't been running lately. Mostly just doing some yoga, or light aerobics. I also know that if I had a strenuous workout I'd be hungry afterward and I don't want any temptations to cheat.

This is the second time I've done the cleanse. The first time was about a year and a half ago, and it was strictly for weight loss reasons since I heard Beyonce used it to shed some pounds for her role in Dreamgirls. I only lasted 7 days that time because I had a work function at a restaurant and I panicked about standing out in the crowd for not eating. I'm not working right now, so staying away from those social situations has been easy. I haven't told anyone that I'm doing the cleanse right now because I don't want to be judged.

This time I have a few reasons for the cleanse. Yes I'd like to shed some of the weight I gained over the holidays, since I gained over 10 pounds! However, I'm also battling some stomach problems that I've been struggling with for a few months. I'll go into more detail in another post, but I'll just say that it hasn't been pleasant. Food has lost a bit of its appeal and I really want to start feeling healthy again. I've laid out a plan for after the Cleanse (more details later) on how to transition to a fully raw diet and I think that will help immensely!

First Post!

2010-01-11T17:08:00.002-05:00

I've recently decided to transition to a raw vegan diet. I've tried this once before and encountered a few stumbling blocks, however I'm at a much different place in my life right now, so I feel this time I will be successful.

With my entries, you will learn more about me and my reasons for doing this (there are many). I'm writing this blog as much for myself as I am for other people. Documenting good days and bad days will give me reference points to look back to. Hopefully my words will help others as well!